Though separated by several hundred miles, the Ozark Mountains and Appalachia share a certain colloquial charm. Small wooden cabins with prison bars in the windows advertise cheap guns, rundown gas stations converted into liquor stores promise a sale on Sundays, and friendly folks serve barbecue on styrofoam plates. Additionally, each mountain chain sports an under-appreciated trout fishery.
Last we left you, Clyde was crashing shoddy motel rooms, pounding Coors Light silos, and scarfing large Hawaiians from Pizza Hut—clearly reveling in Peach State culture—as he meandered through Georgia's Blue Ridge mountains. Where'll Clyde curb-check next? Here, the Southern Revival Tour rolls on.
Clyde may be of industrial-strength Detroit stock. But his love of nuclear northern winters is only lukewarm. Road salt gives him an itchy undercarriage rash. And all that ice fishing ain’t all that, unless it involves Great Lakes-size servings of Fireball. So having spent most of his winter vacay lurking in the Wisconsin Northwoods, it was time to top the tank and pump the pedal. Here, Drake intern-extraordinaire Elliott Adler steers the big-block boss on a course toward the Heartland, for Part I of Clyde’s Southern Revival Tour.
Clyde meets the smallmouth of Mille Lacs
"I THINK THE BEST TIRE is the spare in the trunk," says Pete, handing me the keys. The other four tires vary in brand and age but seem to be holding air. I drop onto the seat and close the sagging door with a little extra encouragement. Amy does the same on the passenger side. Between us, decades of dust whirls in a beam of evening light pinched flat by the narrow windshield. The air is a bouquet of sun-dried vinyl, stale foam rubber, and used motor oil. It reminds me of my grandpa's 1971 Dodge Power Wagon, which we bounced around in as kids hauling firewood to the house from the edge of the hayfield.
The flashing freeway sign reminded us that high winds had closed I-25 to light and/or high-profile vehicles. This wasn’t a problem for Clyde. Ford built him in 1974 weighing just under 5,000 pounds. Its big-block 460 engine alone weighs more than 700. We weren’t getting blown anywhere. Instead, we were comfortably cruising north riding low and heavy, eventually passing four semis lying on their side in the median. Don’t mess with Wyoming cross winds.
Colorado Front Range rambling
THOUGH HE'S LOGGED some incognito years on the shaded two-lane roads of the Pacific Northwest, and rolled many an empty highway undercover in Montana and Wyoming, I can tell that, in the city, Clyde commands the attention he deserves. The turnpikes of Colorado's Front Range are crowded with blue-collar sorts who appreciate Detroit craftsmanship and Clyde's particular brand of patina. In suburbia, Clyde turns just as many heads of yoga-pant-wearing soccer moms as he does dive-bar patrons. Marooned for the winter in Denver, Clyde needed one last chance to stretch all 460 cubic inches of big block before the cold really sets in. So, on a crisp November Saturday I rounded up my funemployed fishing guide friend, George, and pointed Clyde south for Pueblo, the oft-forgotten southern bookend to human sprawl at the foot of the Rockies, for a little tailwater fishing.
The joy of hex
Hex time marks the biggest shitshow in the North Country, bringing every sizeable trout and big douchebag out of hiding. The spot you've scouted all season will inevitably hold some guy from Tennessee. And so far this year's hatch has seen the best anglers fishing in the worst conditions, while the anglers who struggle are scoring the best bugs and weather.
Summer on Utah's Green River
In the pines above a slumbering Dutch John they clicked and we listened. Clicking, like a foreign tongue only a small group of unwashed anglers might decipher. Below the concrete wall holding Flaming Gorge Reservoir, that same clicking joined the riffing of the Green River. They clicked. The trout tuned in.
Ticks, carnival tricks, and plotting summer fishing in Michigan's UP
Drift boats are great. But I still prefer hiking into the backcountry and exploring blue lines. Northern Michigan and the Upper Peninsula can still be classified as wild. And once you get north of M-55, you'll find small stream nirvana.
Waiting for drakes in painted-on waders
There's one thing that has always terrified me about guiding women, and that is wader rentals. I can't stock 80 sizes of waders and boots, so I work with an area fly shop. I get the client's measurements, pick waders up the day before, and hope like hell they fit. I had a half-dozen women rent waders last year and no issues regarding fit, so it was just a matter of time before I ran into problems.