Chuckles, etc

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Pedorro
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by Pedorro » Sat Jan 18, 2014 6:15 pm

SO this guy is walking home from work having lost his license for drunk driving.
On the way he passes his old drinking haunt, a knock on the window from inside catches his attention.
A buddy walks out of the bar and summons him in.

"Naaa I can't come in, you know my wife will kill me if I'm caught drinking."
His buddy finally convinces him to come in just for a sip…

2 hours later while leaving the bar he feels terrible and pukes all over his shirt.

"Now look at me! My wife will know I've been drinking now. I'm a dead man!"

His buddy has an idea - "Hey just put $20 in your shirt pocket and tell her that somebody else puked on your shirt on the way home and gave you $20 to have it cleaned"

"Brilliant!" He exclaims….

As he enters the house his wife is waiting, seeing his condition she begins to yell…"You've been drinking again!"

He removes his shirt while speaking. " No dear, I was walking home past the bar as I always do and this guy comes running out of the bar puking… all over my shirt"

He tosses her the shirt.

"Look in the pocket, there's twenty bucks he gave me to have it dry cleaned."

She reaches into the breast pocket and pulls out two $20 bills….
"There's $40 in your pocket!"

"Oh ya I forgot, He shit my pants too."
That Fly took such a shellackin' I just wanted put a warm towel on her shoulders and
giver her a bowl of chicken soup…Blumpkin

We have an easygoing and demotivated freemarket type of uslessness here...JhnnyThndr

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SageBrush
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by SageBrush » Sat Feb 01, 2014 12:29 pm

I got a new stick deodorant today
.
The instructions said: "Remove cap and push up bottom."

Now, I can barely walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells lovely.
nemo wrote: Guys, guys, please. I just got an e-mail from Mr. Ormsby, and it seems he was a bit offended that you didn't take time to read his novel, not to mention that you made fun of his Canadianess.

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canook
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by canook » Sat Feb 01, 2014 2:31 pm

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Billy Baroo
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by Billy Baroo » Sat Feb 01, 2014 11:40 pm


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Billy Baroo
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by Billy Baroo » Sat Feb 01, 2014 11:41 pm


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Da Ax
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by Da Ax » Tue Feb 04, 2014 12:14 pm

When I checked into a hotel on a recent business trip, I told the receptionist, "I hope the porn channel is disabled."

She said, "NO! It's regular porn, you sick bastard!"
The difference between decency and indecency is opportunity...

One could search their entire lives for the perfect drift, and it would not be a wasted life.

"If I owned this place and Hell, I'd rent this place out and live in Hell." -Toombs

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ditchdoc
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by ditchdoc » Tue Feb 04, 2014 1:11 pm

CarpeTructa wrote:Pun, anyone?
eel.jpg
That's just wrong.
Ignorance is curable. Stupidity is forever.

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Da Ax
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by Da Ax » Wed Feb 05, 2014 9:37 am

This sounds plausible at a bake or two...
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The difference between decency and indecency is opportunity...

One could search their entire lives for the perfect drift, and it would not be a wasted life.

"If I owned this place and Hell, I'd rent this place out and live in Hell." -Toombs

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BigCliff
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by BigCliff » Fri Feb 07, 2014 4:00 pm

A blonde finds herself in serious money trouble having lost her job. She's in dire financial straits.

She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my job and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.

She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my job, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my job, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.

The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."
Buy better hooks and bourbon.

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Mad_Mike
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by Mad_Mike » Wed Feb 12, 2014 1:50 pm

I found this hilarious... and true...

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/dog_paradox
Mad Mike
Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Hemingway

Leonardo DiCaprio wins at life! - Row vs. Wade

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CarpeTructa
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by CarpeTructa » Sun Feb 16, 2014 8:02 pm

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Somebody else is going to have to watch the door for me now. Make sure to keep the riff-raff out. Outcast (RIP)

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BigCliff
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by BigCliff » Tue Feb 18, 2014 10:32 am

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Buy better hooks and bourbon.

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