awesome fucking find...
http://textfromdog.tumblr.com/
Chuckles, etc
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austrotard
- Posts: 8654
- Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:24 am
- Location: the austrocity exhibition
- Contact:
Re: Chuckles, etc
mate, it's ryan says... and ryan didn't say.
you're out.
you're out.
Re: Chuckles, etc
That sounds awesome in my ears!! (P-A)
we were basking in goodness here with our everyday drivel that we enjoy.... the rest of this is horseshit, flybug.pa.
we were basking in goodness here with our everyday drivel that we enjoy.... the rest of this is horseshit, flybug.pa.
Re: Chuckles, etc
The man who invented the sausage must really have hated pigs: "I'M GONNA TEAR OUT YOUR GUTS, MAKE MINCED MEAT OUT OF YOU, SHOVE IT UP YOUR OWN ASS AND TIE A KNOT ON EITHER SIDE AND CALL YOU A "SAUSAGE!"".
Buy better hooks and bourbon.
Re: Chuckles, etc
What thinks the unthinkable?
An ithberg
An ithberg
"If the trout are lost, smash the State." Thomas McGuane
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pbrstreetgang
- Posts: 2924
- Joined: Wed Aug 29, 2012 6:57 pm
- Location: Skonk Works
Re: Chuckles, etc
"If you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it, build a house. “Well, I was lost, but now I live here. I have severely improved my predicament."
so good
veins full of disappearing ink
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Wholetmygoatsout
- Posts: 858
- Joined: Sat Jan 16, 2010 12:59 pm
- Location: Off the right hand side
Re: Chuckles, etc
Four lady friends meet 30 years after school at reunion...
One goes to buy food while the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons became.
No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich, he gave his best friend a Ferrari.
No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline and became so rich, he gave his best friend a jet.
No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development company became so rich, he built his best friend a castle.
No 4. came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about.
They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became and asked her about her son.
She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar.
The other 3 said she must be very disappointed with her son for not becoming successful.
" Oh no !! " said the Lady, he is doing good.
" Last week on his birthday he got a Ferrari, a jet and a castle from 3 of his boyfriends..." .
All the 3 Ladies fainted ....
One goes to buy food while the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons became.
No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich, he gave his best friend a Ferrari.
No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline and became so rich, he gave his best friend a jet.
No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development company became so rich, he built his best friend a castle.
No 4. came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about.
They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became and asked her about her son.
She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar.
The other 3 said she must be very disappointed with her son for not becoming successful.
" Oh no !! " said the Lady, he is doing good.
" Last week on his birthday he got a Ferrari, a jet and a castle from 3 of his boyfriends..." .
All the 3 Ladies fainted ....
"..I made my living on here drawing dicks for the last 4+ years". RFA
"Sometimes you are the dog, sometimes you are the tree". Mario Gotze
"Sometimes you are the dog, sometimes you are the tree". Mario Gotze
Re: Chuckles, etc
A woman goes to see a new gynecologist for the first time. As the GYN starts his exam he says "This is by far the largest vagina I have ever seen." "This is by far the largest vagina I have ever see." Why did you have to say it twice she asked. "I didn't" he answered.
"A hatchery is what you get 'when you cross a sacred cow with a military base.'" Dr. Bernard Shanks
"When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns."
"When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns."
Re: Chuckles, etc
And with this, the concept of "music video" was officially pronounced dead.
Buy better hooks and bourbon.
Re: Chuckles, etc
A golfer in Ireland hooks his drive into the woods.. Searching for his ball, he finds a little Leprechaun lying flat on his back, a bump on his head and golf ball beside him.
Horrified, the golfer gets his water bottle from the cart and pours it over the little guy, reviving him.
'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.
'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.
'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddye want?'
'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.' And the golfer walks off.
'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself. ' I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'
A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'
'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. 'I'm an internationally famous golfer now.' He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'
'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, ye know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?'
'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states. 'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!'
'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'
The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.'
'C'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, 'I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?'
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes twice a week.'
'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'
'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.'
(Sorry PB.)
Horrified, the golfer gets his water bottle from the cart and pours it over the little guy, reviving him.
'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.
'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.
'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddye want?'
'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.' And the golfer walks off.
'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself. ' I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'
A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'
'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. 'I'm an internationally famous golfer now.' He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'
'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, ye know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?'
'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states. 'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!'
'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'
The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.'
'C'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, 'I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?'
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes twice a week.'
'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'
'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.'
(Sorry PB.)
"A hatchery is what you get 'when you cross a sacred cow with a military base.'" Dr. Bernard Shanks
"When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns."
"When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns."
Re: Chuckles, etc
Root Wad, that's a goodjun re the priest.
Here's a Zen joke. About half the time the audience laughs and, well, the rest of the time . . . .
It was a dark and stormy night. A fellow hears some sort of rustle on the front step and opens the door. Looking around, he sees nothing and then at his feet notices that there's an enormous garden snail with a baseball-sized shell. An ex-high school pitcher, the fellow picks up the snail and throws it across the street, clearing the neighbor's house. Goes back inside to return to TV watching, and thinks nothing more of it.
Three months later, it's another rainy night and he hears a subtle noise outside the front door. Opens it up, looks around and there's that same snail on his Welcome mat. As he looks down, the snail looks up and says, "What the fuck?!"
Here's a Zen joke. About half the time the audience laughs and, well, the rest of the time . . . .
It was a dark and stormy night. A fellow hears some sort of rustle on the front step and opens the door. Looking around, he sees nothing and then at his feet notices that there's an enormous garden snail with a baseball-sized shell. An ex-high school pitcher, the fellow picks up the snail and throws it across the street, clearing the neighbor's house. Goes back inside to return to TV watching, and thinks nothing more of it.
Three months later, it's another rainy night and he hears a subtle noise outside the front door. Opens it up, looks around and there's that same snail on his Welcome mat. As he looks down, the snail looks up and says, "What the fuck?!"
"You despise me, don't you?" Rick "If I gave you any thought I probably would."
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Average Joe
- Posts: 2422
- Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2012 3:04 pm
- Location: Where they rip out the trees and name streets after them.
Re: Chuckles, etc
[report]
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- study hard.jpg (49.87 KiB) Viewed 1374 times
Re: Chuckles, etc
Yep. X2!Average Joe wrote:[report][/report]
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