But, I have a nice car, a little money, and I spend most of my time casually traveling from place to place and enjoying life.
I met a nice looking girl in a park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us.
All of a sudden, she did this cute little dance, then immediately dropped to her knees and lay on the grass at my feet.
As we lay there making love, I thought .......
"Wow, these taser guns are really worth the money!!!"
"When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns."
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...and only got me arse kicked thrice.
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they dash behind the shrubbery.
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them: "Um, you have fifteen minutes left. Would you care to do it again?"
He asks her: "Shall we?"
She replies eagerly: "Oh, yes, let's! But we should change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head."
"Sometimes you are the dog, sometimes you are the tree". Mario Gotze
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "We don't have any!"
"But I always buy it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
"Yes", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out aloud from the container "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."
A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.
A Captain said it was 50%-50%.
A Lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.
The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
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