Chuckles, etc

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fatman
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by fatman » Sun Sep 20, 2015 6:39 pm

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my brothers though."
My drinkin' days are over; I'm still trouble bound - Slaid Cleaves

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Hogleg
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by Hogleg » Sun Sep 20, 2015 7:27 pm

That's good man.

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A: They wouldn't want anyone to think they were dancing.
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BigCliff
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by BigCliff » Sun Sep 20, 2015 8:51 pm

Buy better hooks and bourbon.

Image

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kish
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by kish » Sun Sep 20, 2015 9:56 pm

Holy shit BC. I'm in tears over here.
“We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.” Charles Kingsley

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Streamer
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by Streamer » Thu Sep 24, 2015 8:24 pm

Back on January 9th, a group of Wadesboro, North Carolina bikers were riding east on Hwy.74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,
"Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked . . . "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . .
why don't you give ol' George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . .
and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

Yer Pal,
Streamer
"Because I was born in the South, I am a Southerner. If I had been born in the North, or the West, or the Central Plains, I would be just a human being." - Clyde Edgerton

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austrotard
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by austrotard » Thu Sep 24, 2015 8:33 pm

how many jews can you fit in a volkswagon?

I don't know... maybe six.
mate, it's ryan says... and ryan didn't say.
you're out.

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austrotard
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by austrotard » Thu Sep 24, 2015 8:50 pm

frog and a toad are sitting on the side of a bathtub. frog asks "hey mate, would you pass me the soap?"
toad asks "what am I, your bitch?"

paki and a black fella are standing at the bus stop. black fella says to the pakistani "hey man, you know what time the bus comes?"
paki says "fuck off, you black twat."

standing at the bus stop I see a fella with two rashers of bacon hanging from his ears and a fried egg on his head.
"hey, mate... you've a fried egg on your head." I said.
'I know... the boiled ones kept rolling off.'
"very funny" I said "but you've also two rashers of bacon hanging from your ears..."
'I always do this on a thursday' he said.
"yeah, well today's wednesday..."
'well don't I feel a cunt.'



jokes aren't very funny in austria.
mate, it's ryan says... and ryan didn't say.
you're out.

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fatman
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by fatman » Thu Oct 15, 2015 6:16 pm

for some reason I found this really hilarious
waterloo.jpg
waterloo.jpg (51.37 KiB) Viewed 1630 times
My drinkin' days are over; I'm still trouble bound - Slaid Cleaves

"This place is so fucked up. Where else could you find a thread with a Debbie Gibson song, a chapter from Fyodor Dostoevsky, and a sweet under boob pic like that on the same page?" - Hogleg

"You may not be smart, but your car gets good gas mileage". - Stovetop

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Spicytuna
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by Spicytuna » Fri Oct 16, 2015 11:29 am

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".
"In truth you can throw dries and swing flies and still be a loser. That would be an elite loser though.
Rare breed." - MTgrayling

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Wholetmygoatsout
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by Wholetmygoatsout » Fri Oct 16, 2015 2:27 pm

An English man walks into a bar, normally there would be an Irishman, Scotsman and a Welshman.

But they are still at the World Cup.
"..I made my living on here drawing dicks for the last 4+ years". RFA

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austrotard
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by austrotard » Sat Oct 17, 2015 10:43 pm

ouch.
mate, it's ryan says... and ryan didn't say.
you're out.

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root wad
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Re: Chuckles, etc

Post by root wad » Thu Nov 19, 2015 3:02 pm

11988761_10207209208249185_8969758706487578952_n.jpg
11988761_10207209208249185_8969758706487578952_n.jpg (18.03 KiB) Viewed 1311 times
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