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By ak_powder_monkey
I know things now, I'm sure I'd rather catch a steelhead than get laid. I'm sure of it, getting laid is not that great, yeah its fun for a bit, yeah you feel good but most of the time its not what you really want. I know what I want, I can see it out there swimming in the proverbial stream. There is one woman I would take steelhead fishing, one woman I would show my secretes, and it remains her. Yeah there are others, just like there are trout and bass and pike to satisfy my needs between that week of bliss in May when the real fish are running.

Yeah I could go out and catch some hatchery trout and feel good about myself, and guess that's what I do. They are there, they are easy. They are fun and even slightly satisfying, they reaffirm my belief in myself as a fisherman that I can catch fish. I can fool the stupid. But what about the smart and rare?

Do I really want to fool that winter fish? Do I want to make it think its eating an insect or an egg? Nah, I like to think that they want to play, like they are there to make me happy, and they take something from the jump and run. Like my touch makes them feel alive too. Surely it doesn't, surely that fly punched into the lip of the steelhead makes them afraid, makes them want to run away, makes them want to get rid of me. But there it is, nothing between me and them but a line and a hook and a rod. Simple.

I loved someone once, I loved her with all my heart, and every time I touched her I convinced myself that she was enjoying it, that the hook in her mouth was meant to be, but it wasn't, she got free, she threw the hook, then tormented me by sitting in the hole, letting me watch her gorgeousness, letting me watch her swim free, without my touch. I love her I want to be connected, I want to feel her every move, to love her in a way, impossible among prey and predator. Why do I feel like this? Every fish I've ever lost I've moved on, sure I dream of that 34 inch rainbow up north that I thought was a chum, and that 28 inch mouse eater on the branch. Sure I dream of how my life could have been if she had only found that attraction, if the hook had not been thrown, but this time its different.

I cast and cast and cast, and swing and swing and swing. I could have had her, the wrong way, a good bottle of booze, a helping hand and kiss, would have swayed her, much like a good flourocarbon leader and a sparse comet leads to a perfectly lined sockeye. But I was to good for that, I had to make the perfect presentation, she rose to the dry. Took and I missed the hookset. She darted away but I continued to fish, like a mad man, possessed with the notion. Finally I threw it all at her, I threw that fly in the back of the box, that you laugh at because its the size of most of the fish you catch. You throw, knowing that the fish would spook or eat, and nothing else.

She ran away, just far enough I know where she is, but not far enough I can help myself. I want to fish, I want to catch her, I know spending too much time changing flies, changing ways will not do much. She is put down, not only from dries, but from nymphs and streamers. Its my fault, I should just move, give others a chance, find a new player, find someone ready to take the fly, but its just not satisfying even when I do, even when the fish runs, and I feel the line peel from my reel and chase her down, its not the one I'm after, its just another fish, easy, dumb, ready to take.

I will fish for her, I will, month after month, year after year, I know where she lives, in the hole by the bend, where the sockeye came, in the grease next to the bank, below the power line. In the flat above the sign she will be there waiting, and yeah, others may catch her on the way, yeah she might be hurt, but that's how it goes. I'll be there to hold her, and when she swims away from me, even if she's not happy, I will know that one day I touched her, that I made her tick, that I was the one and she was the one for me.

The nice thing about women is that in the end, maybe when I catch her I won't let her go for others to enjoy, but she will realize that I, and I alone will be there for her and we can live and love and be happy, swimming side by side in the river of time, knowing that flies will drift, and life will happen, but no matter what drifts by we will try our best, regardless of how hard it is. This is why I'm sure love is worth it, it hurts, it bites, but no matter what I do, I'd rather be balls deep in a steelhead stream, freezing, getting skunked not touching a fish than anything else in the world, except being there and touching one. In this world we will love many things, and everything but hatchery trout will make you suffer, the trick is finding those things worth suffering for, and wether it be mountains, steelhead, women or whiskey, its worth it, no matter how hard it is.
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[a tear slowly rolls down my cheek as I fumble around looking for a tissue]
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By Redchaser
Good writing, but dude, you sound like you're on the precipice of rolling down into crazy stalker man land.
By JoshO
Good sh!t Monkey :cool But we're not the ones you should be sharing this with...? Hopefully you let her know. Something like this will either make her wet in the pants OR run for the hills. Best of luck to you either way.

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By Bruiser
You're a good dude, AKPM, and you have all the time you need to find another female steelie to sight fish. :cool
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By Mad_Mike
Somewhere deep down I like you monkey.... dog knows why...

But seriouly dude.. this is some weird shit.... and definately shouldn't be shared here...

put the bottle down... splash some cold water on your face and go fucking fishing... and I don't mean this literary dream world woman/fish fucking mind game your playing right now... I seriously could see you digging a giant hole in your basement while writing this...

Its creepy dude... not gonna help you in your persuit..

My plan of action... pick up a sexy stocker.. parade her in front of your woman/fish and then fuck her... disguard and go on with your life... jeebus.. this is some depressing shit...
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By DeadRatsClacker
ak_powder_monkey wrote:I know things now, I'm sure I'd rather catch a steelhead than get laid. I'm sure of it, getting laid is not that great, yeah its fun for a bit, yeah you feel good but most of the time its not what you really want.
Son, you just ain't doing it right!

No really.
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By pocket water
I too have lived in deep in the hills, though not in Ak.....I can imagine it is similar. 8-1 ratio or so is terribly horrible. You may want to consider an import. Hatchery fish in AK must be :vomit If the old fish wants to spawn she will swim back. :cool
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By Shane
When you let her read it, she'll think it's about her. We know it's the fish. Still it ought to buy you more days on the river than your standard newlywed.

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By Woolybug25
The nice thing about women is that in the end, maybe when I catch her I won't let her go for others to enjoy
I feel like I just read the manuscript for a serial murderer. Seriously dude. Go to a bar and pick up a new fucking chick. Take her home and lay some wood. That will make you feel better so you can go back to posting fishing reports sans this chick that broke your heart. You are young, get used to getting your heart broke by women, because this wont be the last time.
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By Vito
I hope you were drunk when you wrote this. Well written, but the content is concerning.

<checking AK news for a missing woman report>
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and a sheep shot. strong work :smile

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