Of Squawfish and Rabies: A Glorious Failure

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CarelessEthiopian
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Of Squawfish and Rabies: A Glorious Failure

Post by CarelessEthiopian » Sun Aug 07, 2016 11:36 pm

[report]

For me, fishing has always been about exploration. Whether it's behind the mall or in a far off country, there is always new water to see, more fish to catch. I feel like there is a lot of the same old bullshit we are exposed to in fishing, be it from the media or our close fishing friends. It's easy to get stuck in the rut and do the same shit that everyone else does day in and day out. It takes more effort to seek out new things that you don't know anything about. New places. New fish. Sometimes you are rewarded, sometimes not, but it is always worth trying.

I have a thing for natives. Where I live, there is a native fish that I've only seen in formaldehyde jars. Before the white man, these fish grew to 6 ft long and 80 lbs. That's a big fucking fish for a Rocky Mountain river. Populations are struggling now, but they do still exist. Now would be a good time for you to google Colorado Pikeminnow. I'll wait.

...

Before you PNW guys roll your eyes, this ain't your pikeminnow. It's a different one. Way bigger. Henceforth I will refer to them as squawfish. While it is a very un-PC term, it is my nomenclature of choice. Don't like it? Fuck off. Squawfish.

I've had squawfish on the brain for many years, and it started to get more serious. I did my due diligence and narrowed down the time and place for what I thought would give me the least slim chance of squeezing one of these things. Fittingly, the place happened to be on a legendary and very scenic stretch of western river that requires a multi-day float with plenty of good whitewater. Fuck yeah. Over the better part of a year the team was assembled and the logistics were logistified. The crew: Bruiser, Hogleg, Get Er Done, Fishskibum, moi, and lurkers Spaceshiptraveler and Batboy. Our launch date crept closer, and on the day I departed my house it didn't seem real.

I had spent hours meticulously planning my tactical packing system.

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Seriously though, you should see Hog's spreadsheets. He's got shit down the 1/4 oz of Astroglide.

The gear pile in my garage slowly grew.

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Can't forget my trusty cowboy hat. In addition to being a huge fly fisherman, I'm also a huge cowboy. You can tell because I have the hat. I should probably get some kind of cowboy hat rack for my car, just so everyone knows.

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On the appointed day, the eastern team assembled at checkpoint Hogleg for the Great Gear Shakedown. We wired our shit tight.

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We motored into camp at the put in and met with the western team, FSB and SST. Camp chilling commenced.

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Next morning was the day of launch. We still had lots of gear sorting to do. FSB did his explosion in the middle of camp. Most of you have not met Dibs. As you may have inferred, he is an incredible dichotomy of a dialed-in shitshow. He's got everything he needs, all kinds of useless shit, and will surprise you with treats and goodies that you didn't know would come in so handy. Grade-A team mate.

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We got all of our gear down to the river for inspection. Shout out to NPS Ranger Greg Terry, who made our check-in process smoother than GED's metrosexual balls. Pro-tip: don't ride on the trailer in the campground. They don't like that, but Greg was cool about it.

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As quickly as we could, we set off for 4 days of goofing off and chasing a dream.

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Bruiser saw a squawfish early on, which gave me hope, but the fishing was slow. We knew it would be slow. There is a reason this piece of water is not known as a fishing float. But still, we had hope. We picked up a few trout. We ran one of the bigger rapids without scouting. Camp the first night gave us some good wade fishing. I cooked meat and drank too many margaritas. The trout bugs came to our lights.

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Day 2 dawned with optimism. We were deep down in a beautiful canyon, the group dynamic was strong, we had plenty of ice, beer, and weed, and we had caught some fish.

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We stopped to wade fish and Bruiser found a dead squawfish. I ran over because I wanted to see one.
It was a whitefish.

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We played in some smaller rapids.



We caught some more trout on day 2. GED got his first brown trout, 23 fucking inches. They're all that big, right?

We ran some bigger rapids with no trouble. I'll take this moment to pat the other boat captains on the back. Good job keeping the dry side up, boys.

We rolled into camp and GED contemplated what the fuck he was doing so far from home and questioning whether squawfish were a real thing or just something I made up.

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Safety meetings, SUP shenanigans, and camp straight chillin'.

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I think I'm starting to get my days mixed up now, as tends to happen with the detached reality of a river trip. Somewhere along the way, I came across this dead bat. Batboy remarked that it looked like the Bacardi bat.

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As we got into camp on the 3rd night, we were standing under a tree discussing where to set up our kitchen. A moth was flying in between us, and landed on Batboy. Right on his fucking neck. He didn't notice at first. It was a bat. GED says, "Dude, there's a bat on your neck." Thus commenced much swatting and girlish screaming by grown men as the bat repeatedly dive bombed and attacked us. I was glad I had my cowboy hat to protect me. This was at 3pm in bright sunlight. Rabies, much?

Well, that was fun. After another glorious night amongst the skunks, deer, and winged rodents, we had an early departure the next day. Had to cover 19 miles.

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We goofed and ogled our way down the river. The fishing had been slow overall, we hadn't sniffed any sqauwfish. It became overly clear that we were barking up the wrong tree. We bumped into a sampling crew, and when I questioned them about squawfish they basically laughed at me. No one really gave a shit about fishing any more. Well, except for Bruiser.

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And then, the inevitable. We hit the takeout.
After 40 miles, we finally saw a squawfish!

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That's a life-size model, BTW.
Fucking bastards.

We said our sad good byes to FSB and SST (rad dude).

Did some light trailer maintenance in a parking lot.

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After dark, we gear de-exploded at Hog's and parted ways. It's always weird saying good bye to friends after sharing these kind of experiences. But, we just do it. Shake hands, look each other in the eye, and say "fuck yeah," because you know you'll do this again someday.
That, and we're not women.

I was on groover duty the whole trip, so I thought I'd let the boys share in the experience when I cleaned it out the next day.
All part of the trip, right?



Randall, before you pipe up, yes I know the groover should not be laying on it's side. I turned it over for proper pumpage.

Along those lines, guys please withhold your PMs with anecdotal evidence of how your buddy's cousin caught a squawfish one time. That includes the reports about the Summer of Stones locale. Save it. I've heard it all. I've researched this to death.

These fish don't exist, but I will catch one some day. I hope the team is along for the ride when that happens. You guys deserve it. Thanks for helping me try.[/report]
boy in long pants

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fatman
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Re: Of Squawfish and Rabies: A Glorious Failure

Post by fatman » Sun Aug 07, 2016 11:49 pm

no anecdotes about squawfish, but that was some righteous country. Nice float. :smile
My drinkin' days are over; I'm still trouble bound - Slaid Cleaves

"This place is so fucked up. Where else could you find a thread with a Debbie Gibson song, a chapter from Fyodor Dostoevsky, and a sweet under boob pic like that on the same page?" - Hogleg

"You may not be smart, but your car gets good gas mileage". - Stovetop

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Randall Dee
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Re: Of Squawfish and Rabies: A Glorious Failure

Post by Randall Dee » Mon Aug 08, 2016 12:25 am

CarelessEthiopian wrote:
Randall, before you pipe up, yes I know the groover should not be laying on it's side. I turned it over for proper pumpage.
Suk it. I couldn't give two shits about what you do with your groover. Just don't put ice in it. I just groove in a 5 gallon bucket with a gamma lid. So yer way cooler than me.

And yeah, those squaw fish look way different. :coffee

As a side note, they have a bounty on them out here and my neighbor fishes for them full time. Says he makes about $50K a year supplementing his social security. But it sounds like their numbers are decreasing.

Looks like a nice trip and a cool canyon. Wish I could have made it.

Is your Hyside a 15 footer?

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austrotard
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Re: Of Squawfish and Rabies: A Glorious Failure

Post by austrotard » Mon Aug 08, 2016 4:58 am

squawfish are gay.
CarelessEthiopian wrote:[report]Grade-A team mate.[/report]
and so is the A team.
we'll always have buffalo, sweet josh.

-mtice

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flashback
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Re: Of Squawfish and Rabies: A Glorious Failure

Post by flashback » Mon Aug 08, 2016 5:28 am

Good TR. I'm reminded of the old joke, "what do a cowboy hat and hemorrhoids have in common?"
Still trying for what are called gar pike here, no one seems to understand.
There are no fish in WNY.

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Redchaser
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Re: Of Squawfish and Rabies: A Glorious Failure

Post by Redchaser » Mon Aug 08, 2016 6:31 am

Sorry you didn't catch the Chupacabra fish, but it looks like a great time regardless.

Edit: It's probably a good thing you wore the cowboy hat. That way folks think you've been working as a ranch hand all summer and are some kind of tough guy.
Last edited by Redchaser on Mon Aug 08, 2016 7:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
"... don’t let your life become the sloppy leftovers of your work" Jim Harrison

"Put in the effort and good things happen"... Hogleg

"Salinity is proportional to sanity for sure" ..The Volfish

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B.M. Barrelcooker
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Re: Of Squawfish and Rabies: A Glorious Failure

Post by B.M. Barrelcooker » Mon Aug 08, 2016 7:01 am

[report]wow[/report]
"worst that can happen is a big fat zero and a fine walk out of doors"---Chadroc

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Redchaser
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Re: Of Squawfish and Rabies: A Glorious Failure

Post by Redchaser » Mon Aug 08, 2016 7:47 am

bump
"... don’t let your life become the sloppy leftovers of your work" Jim Harrison

"Put in the effort and good things happen"... Hogleg

"Salinity is proportional to sanity for sure" ..The Volfish

Redchaser.com, all about Louisiana Fly Fishing

Heero[CntRmbrPwd]
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Re: Of Squawfish and Rabies: A Glorious Failure

Post by Heero[CntRmbrPwd] » Mon Aug 08, 2016 7:59 am

Whose job is it to shoot Batboy when he becomes rabid - is he your Batboy or one of the other guys?

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Ginseng Sullivan
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Re: Of Squawfish and Rabies: A Glorious Failure

Post by Ginseng Sullivan » Mon Aug 08, 2016 8:13 am

you would have ruined it if you caught one.

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fishskibum
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Re: Of Squawfish and Rabies: A Glorious Failure

Post by fishskibum » Mon Aug 08, 2016 9:35 am

ya know i think i mentioned it, ftr them unpermitted 1st 50 miles of that tailwater fishes pretty good
i'm sure ifin the tailsman of fisherbro dieties and the 2 handed rod woulda got packed
i'm sure i coulda box canyon walked bruiser on the sup through some class 3's and 2handedly gots em swingin skaters
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the bum livin on the corner of squared the fuck away st and wing n a prayer blvd appreciates the invite opportunity to share in stellar goodness and patience on a piscatorial pursuit of the fish of 420 k casts
"To get high is to forget yourself. And to forget yourself is to see everything else.And to see everything else is to become an understanding molecule in evolution, a conscious tool of the universe" -Jerry Garcia

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marlo
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Re: Of Squawfish and Rabies: A Glorious Failure

Post by marlo » Mon Aug 08, 2016 9:36 am

the corb lund shirt is more cowboy than the hat

"New places. New fish. Sometimes you are rewarded, sometimes not, but it is always worth trying."

mission accomplished

:cool
Here's hoping that we teach our children well...
And just maybe...to give those responsible a good kick in the fuck...
-CC

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