Where is my magazine?

[caddis]

I ordered the Drake Mag. almost 2 weeks ago (on line). How long does it take to get it? I would of thought that I 'd already have it by now.

[Smithhammer]

Only two weeks you've been waiting?!?! I suppose they told you all you needed to do was send in a check, right? God, things have changed.I had to wait something like 6 months, and that rat bastard publisher kept coming up with new degrading stunts I had to perform, like hand delivering the check to his office on my knees, dressed in a Charlie Tuna costume. Then, the heartless icehole decided that wasn't good enough. He told me next I needed to sit by the bank of the L.A. River without sleeping or moving for 3 days, given only strong espresso roast coffee and dense bran muffins for sustenance, and to top it off he made me sit in a place with a view of a Port-a-potty across the river. And then, just when I thought my self-esteem was completely decimated, he challenged me to a 7-game playoff of Super Nintendo Bass Master Classic, and told me if I lost I could re-apply for a new subscription next year. Sounds like you're gettting off easy, Caddis, but don't breathe a sigh of relief till you've got that cool glossy in your hands - you never know what that sadisitc bastidge might come up with at the last minute.

[Brookwookie]

Hey at least you got tasks with identifiable goals. All he gave me was drunken nonsense like "What good is a skid plate to a carp?" and "What is the difference between an orange?" Bastidge called them "koans", but after a week of pondering I called bullshit. Then he sent me to Barnes & Noble to buy a copy.

[Smithhammer]

Oh, sure, he claims to be some Zen guru, man on the mountain type, but I'm beginning to think he's actually Satanic. I think we're finally getting somewhere on cracking open this conspiracy;Have you ever noticed what "Nemo" spelled backwards is?!?!And isn't "Drake" really short for [/img]andrake," the Devil's root?!?!We're on to you, Omen.

[Brookwookie]

Evil he may be, but I suspect he's less of a plagues-of-boils-and-frogs-type evil and more of a slapstick bwah-ha-ha tries-too-hard-type evil. Like these guys:n

[Smithhammer]

I think it's shameful the way he dresses Trask up like that. I'm reporting him to the SPCA, PETA, and FART (Friends Against Retriever Torture).Btw, ya think Caddis is bummed we high-jacked his thread? Heh, heh...

[Flats Dude]

and just think about this for a minute (or second). They actually made a movie about him. "Finding" Nemo...he wasn't freakin' lost, he was hidin'!!! Now we know another reason why the drake sux!

[Smithhammer]

The real title of that flick was "Finding Omen," and it's full of Satanic imagery. Blue Oyster Cult was supposed to do the soundtrack, but they couldn't sober them up enough, and Omen, oops I mean Nemo, had to get back to hiis publishing gig, so they dropped 'em. True story.

[Brookwookie]

Nah I think caddis is a plant, sent by nemo to convey the idea that The Drake is somehow coveted and rare and collectible. This will bring in rampant speculators who will buy up all of the back issues and encase them in plastic and sell them at conventions to completist geeks who will then stash them in mom's basement (a.k.a. "the batcave") and show them to their weird sweaty friends who will then flock to the site and become nemo's personal fat ugly friendless army of questionable hygiene. I'm pretty sure this is true, because it's exactly the kind of Rube Goldberg super villain scheme that's so typical of his type of despot. It's doomed to failure, of course, not only because we're onto him, but also because nobody is actually afraid of an army of these people:


<small>[ November 01, 2005, 09:49 AM: Message edited by: Dave L ]</small>

[Brookwookie]

Originally posted by Smithhammer:n Blue Oyster Cult was supposed to do the soundtrack, but they couldn't sober them up enough, and Omen, oops I mean Nemo, had to get back to hiis publishing gig, so they dropped 'em. True story.

This thread needs more cowbell, baby!


<small>[ November 01, 2005, 10:08 AM: Message edited by: Dave L ]</small>

[Smithhammer]

Originally posted by Dave L:n Nah I think caddis is a plant, sent by nemo to convey the idea that The Drake is somehow coveted and rare and collectible.... It's doomed to failure, of course, not only because we're onto him, but also because nobody is actually afraid of an army of these people:

Shit, you're right Dave. Hey, isn't Caddis the same geek who suggested we should have "secret handshakes," like we're a bunch of Trekkies or something?!?! No doubt another Nemo brainstorm. Caddis is a plant!! Root him out!! Oh, and I actually am a bit afraid of the guy in the green suit with the arms.

<small>[ November 01, 2005, 10:08 AM: Message edited by: Smithhammer ]</small>

[Smithhammer]

I got a fever. And the only prescription is more cowbell!" Btw, anyone seen Caddis' magazine?