- Sat Mar 09, 2013 9:25 pm
I have a little bit of ball trauma background. I was attacked by 17 giant, angry, underfed, Micheal Vick trained pit bulls when i was 12 or so and they ripped my nut sack to shreds......ok, so it was a german shepard and i only had one entire testicle exposed....ok, so it was really my cocker spaniel, Pepe, and although it scared the living shit out of me and my Uncle(who had to inspect my sak that was slightly inside out), i managed to get only a few stitches and have 2 kids 20 something years later. One of them is 2. The other is 2 weeks. 8 minutes after my daughter was born my wife was trying to schedule an appointment for me. The local blowjob factory has suffered horrible losses throughout the great recession, and was finally forced to shut down due to insufficient funds, so there will be no happy ending while I'm sitting on the couch with a bag of peas stuffed up into my crotch. As a matter of fact, there will be no sitting on the couch doing nothing because my balls really hurt honey because we live in a house the size of 4 small closets smushed together, and I live with a 2 year old, a 2 week old, a dog, cat, and an insufferable bitch that just went through a 12 hour natural labor that will absolutely have no sympathy for me....and will likely call me a pussy 400978 times before and just after this procedure.
All of that is just bitching. The real reason I'm nervous is because I'm poor. I'm poor enough that the government has decided that it would be best if I didn't have any more childrens, so they have graciously offered to pay for my procedure....which is offered solely by a ramshackle health department 4 counties away. I realize that I will be much poorer if I have another kid as i will have to get a divorce and move to another country, since I will not spend another 5 seconds with my wife as a pregnant. Fuck. I'm gonna do it, but I don't really want to. I was secretly hoping for a c section so I could slip the doc a 6 pack to tie up the tubes. No such luck. My balls hate me.