All threads that bitch about new, existing, or old members will be posted/relocated here. Keep this shit off the General forum, because no one wants (or cares) to hear your opinions. Now go back to the other forums and post something worthy of reading.
User avatar
By Redchaser
#562035
B.M. Barrelcooker wrote:Right. Tried the sporinox. It was hell on me but worse on the ticks.

I was on it during turkey season and it seems it killed every tick that sniffed me. I'd come in and shake them off. Just sweep the bodies off the tile. Anything that kills ticks is too rough for me. I'll stick to the single barrel.


That ain't no lie. Never had one tick stuck to me the whole season. Fungus subsided a bit and came back with a vengeance in Dix months. I just west dark socks with sandals now.
I've been fighting toenail fungus for years, then if migrated to my middle finger on my right hand. I hate that shit.
By Kylemc
#562094
Hogleg wrote:
B.M. Barrelcooker wrote:With all of today's technology we can't get rid of the toenail fungus ........ Or catfishshit for that matter.
Actually, we do have the technology to get rid of the toenail fungus. The rub is that you have to stop drinking while you're on the meds or you'll wreck your liver.

So, yeah, we can't get rid of the toenail fungus.
Exactly why my feet look like they do. Bad, very bad.

I'm broke and unemployed for the first time ever in my life. Freaking me out a little, the hours are nice though.
User avatar
By austrotard
#562173
austrotard wrote: confession: today I bought a 5pk of piss tests.

relates: I can't believe I'm trying/going to throw myself to the lions again.

elates:
confession: a fortnight in... +

relates: as I expected. normally takes three weeks. at least no one's asking... yet.

elates:
User avatar
By jhnnythndr
#562188
thus far My feet have been, as a rule, kept in the most ghastly conditions imaginable. It is to this that I attribute there relative health, that and showers shoes, and alwys pissing on them in the shower. But the flipflops and the urine as prophylaxis were more of psycholigical benefit than anything else, talismans if you will, to ward off evil foot spirits and hexs. I found that my feet faired as did the rest of me, which is to say, remarkably well- all because I keep my body in such a state of toxicity that nothing can grow. you could harvest my blood as the antidote, but it wouldnt help build antibodies or immunity- it would be as chemotherapy, and bring with it risks of liver and kidney damage- as well as general risk of cell mutation, which is generally considered unhealthy, a precursor to cancer.
User avatar
By SLSS
#562227
jhnnythndr wrote:thus far My feet have been, as a rule, kept in the most ghastly conditions imaginable. It is to this that I attribute there relative health, that and showers shoes, and alwys pissing on them in the shower. But the flipflops and the urine as prophylaxis were more of psycholigical benefit than anything else, talismans if you will, to ward off evil foot spirits and hexs. I found that my feet faired as did the rest of me, which is to say, remarkably well- all because I keep my body in such a state of toxicity that nothing can grow. you could harvest my blood as the antidote, but it wouldnt help build antibodies or immunity- it would be as chemotherapy, and bring with it risks of liver and kidney damage- as well as general risk of cell mutation, which is generally considered unhealthy, a precursor to cancer.
Fuck. So that's what happened.
User avatar
By RFA
#562238
After watching birds flutter about outside my living room window for the first time since November this evening, I have come to a conclusion.

Flying is rad, if you are a large bird....otherwise, it seems like a lot of work. Kind of like human beings or skipping stones over fish.
User avatar
By Hogleg
#562240
jhnnythndr wrote:thus far My feet have been, as a rule, kept in the most ghastly conditions imaginable. It is to this that I attribute there relative health, that and showers shoes, and alwys pissing on them in the shower. But the flipflops and the urine as prophylaxis were more of psycholigical benefit than anything else, talismans if you will, to ward off evil foot spirits and hexs. I found that my feet faired as did the rest of me, which is to say, remarkably well- all because I keep my body in such a state of toxicity that nothing can grow. you could harvest my blood as the antidote, but it wouldnt help build antibodies or immunity- it would be as chemotherapy, and bring with it risks of liver and kidney damage- as well as general risk of cell mutation, which is generally considered unhealthy, a precursor to cancer.
It is equally risky to allow too much blood within one's alcohol or intoxicant stream.

Mutaters gonna mutate.

What a shame to have that occur having walked through life stone cold sober.
User avatar
By Average Joe
#562256
Tonight after dinner, my wife said, "You haven't spoken to your aunt and uncle in awhile. You should call them."

So I called.

"HELLO?"

"Hi Aunt."

"HELLO?"

"Hi Aunt."

"GODDAMN ITJACK, TURN THAT FUCKING TV DOWN! HELLO?"

"Hi Aunt."

"Oh, hi honey. Your uncle is such an asshole sometimes. Boy, what a day we had. Nurses and ambulances and fire trucks. Oh, and I got a new refrigerator. The old one was acting up, and you can't find anyone who will come and fix them these days, so I just said, 'Fuck it' and bought a new one. Are you coming over?"

"No, I just called to say hello."

"You know, I told your uncle we should look into selling this house and moving into that new assisted-living place that just opened downtown. We could get a nice little two bedroom apartment, and they have a communal dining room so I wouldn't have to cook all the time, and they have a doctor on staff twenty-four hours a day so we wouldn't have to deal with all of the goddamn fire trucks and ambulances all the time, but he won't do it. He said, 'The only way I'm leaving my house is in a body bag.' I'm ready to put him in one right now. He's such a jackass. I'm going to give him the phone and he can tell you about his day. Jack! JACK! IT'S YOUR NEPHEW! PICK UP THE PHONE! JACK! PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE! IT'S YOUR NEPHEW!"

"Hello?"

"Hey Uncle Jack."

"Boy, what a morning I had. You knew I was in the hospital, right?"

"Yeah, I heard."

"Well today they sent this nurse to the house to check up on me, and after she looked me over she said, 'I'm calling 911 right now,' and I said 'The hell you are!' Next thing I know there's fire trucks and ambulances outside my house. I looked at her and said, 'You fucking bitch! Get the hell out of my house, and I don't ever want to see you here again! And take those goddamn ambulances and firemen with you!"

"So what was wrong with you?"

"Nothing! For someone who's smoked and drank for over seventy years, I'm in great shape! By the way, tomorrow's your father's birthday. Don't forget to call him."

"You know he never answers his phone."

"I don't give a shit if he answers it or not! It's his fucking birthday, and you need to call him and wish him a happy fucking birthday! He's not going to answer when I call him either, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to call him!"

"Fine, I'll call him."

"Good. Are you coming up for a drink?"

"No, not tonight."

"Well when are you coming up?"

"Soon."

"OK. Here's you aunt. DOLORES! DOLORES! PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE! GODDAMN IT! DOLORES! PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE! "

"HELLO?"

"Hi Aunt."

"Hi honey. Are you coming up?"

"Not tonight."

"You're uncle is such a fucking asshole. Did he tell you what he said to the nurse? The poor girl came up to me and said, 'He fired me,' and I said, 'Oh honey, I've been married to him for over sixty years, and he's fired me more times than I can remember, but I'm still here.' HAHAHA! So are you coming up for a drink?"

"Not tonight."

"OK. Well, give Shelley my love, and we'll see you soon."

"Will do. Goodnight."



All of you boys in the nursing field have my utmost respect.
User avatar
By austrotard
#562263
they have got to be oirish.


confession: wednesday is nearly complete. d day has not yet eventuated.

relates: but when I spoke to my references warning them off they said no one had belled. everything in this fucking state takes (like) fuck-ing fo'e-va (and shit).

elates:




oh, and which one of you jrunken yoghurts belled me at 3am? 'fess up.
By thalweg
#562437
Confession
There is a dead hooker named Laverne in the back of my van. She is in 3 pieces right now.

Relates
Dead hooker jokes are great until it happens to you.

Elates
Freshwater fish are pussies.
By chadroc
#562441
top notch average joe. loved it. smiling on an otherwise grim day thanks to that.
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