A Confession

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austrotard
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Sat Jun 09, 2018 8:55 pm

'so what sort of work do you fellows take on?' asked a client.
"everything except hydraulics and electricity... I'll sub that out at cost to you. I want absolutely nothing to do with it."
'are you not licensed?'
"the subcontractors of course are, but even if I was I wouldn't touch it."
'fair enough' he said before he asked 'ummm... what's hydraulics?'

"plumbing."
'why didn't you just say plumbing?'
"because I'm a flowering fucking tosspot trying to make 'up to your shoulders in shit' sound better."


confession: fuck it. makes for a good yarn.
progression is not addition.
progression takes a cunningness, tact and a certain level of ruthlessness.
you'll find they go hand in hand as we poison their water, josh.

-anonymous mtice

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austrotard
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Wed Jun 13, 2018 5:32 am

ever wanna be mitch?
here's a day in mitch's cunting fucking life.

confession: today I had to be home at half five to get elizabeth to her band concert which starts in 7min.

relates: after dropping her off I shit, shave and shower and wait for the missus to get home.

relates: her indoors gets home and asks me 'where are you going?'

relates: "to the concert."

relates: 'I didn't get you a ticket.'

relates: "right."

relates: 'I can still get you one... it's online...'

relates: "I had a funny feeling it was ticketed..."

relates: 'nope. sold out.'

relates: "right."


elates: a simple law of averages dictates that every now and then you're bound to be totally surrounded by cunts.

lates: I could use a mistress.

sate: preferably one that doesn't know the meaning of sate.
progression is not addition.
progression takes a cunningness, tact and a certain level of ruthlessness.
you'll find they go hand in hand as we poison their water, josh.

-anonymous mtice

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austrotard
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Wed Jun 20, 2018 9:18 pm

confession: I am wearing a charbon cap.

relates: but not necessarily following its instruction.

elates: and I am with rampant and castro.

lates: as one rarely does.
progression is not addition.
progression takes a cunningness, tact and a certain level of ruthlessness.
you'll find they go hand in hand as we poison their water, josh.

-anonymous mtice

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chadroc
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Re: A Confession

Post by chadroc » Wed Jun 20, 2018 9:43 pm

god yarns make the world go round. i haven;'t shared any writing in a while, intimidated by the quality theseparts. meager offering.



he jacked one. a short essay.

the hush fell over the crowd. tens of people gathered at river road field grew silent as the old man stepped to the plate. bring it. he said. spat on the dry dirt. small plumes of dust rising which he kicked over with his clown shoe. julian smelled the blood in the air. the old man had one last stand.

julian busted him inside a few times. the younger pitcher knew his hips were weak. the old grizzled warrior got around on a couple and hit some laser beams to left. but he was clearly hobbled. wincing and grinding, one last time, he thought to himself. find your ball.

i got him right where i want him, thought the bearded righty. the young bucks don't respect the old steer. let be, let be. see what happens, buck.

he wound up, delivered.

julian tried a high fastball. out over the plate where the old man could extend on it. bad move. the long toothed coach came around and blasted one to right center. his old timey power alley. if only Ryan Gilman could see him now.

as he majestically stumbled down first base line he held his bat and flipped it. the ball rose and rose, arching through the sweet june evening, a moonshot, elliptical, perfect, curving and flying. he got all of that one.

his son climbed the fence and retrieved the ball. tens of people stood and savagely cheered. the drone of their joy was deafening to the half deaf old man.

as he rumbled to first base, he double tapped his chest and pointed skyward, just like manny ramirez used to do in 2004. he struggled to round the bases, once more for one moment in time, golden.

and the old ghosts of the SMSL stirred in their graves at olympic park. votive candles seemed to flicker all the brighter in the graveyard next door. in another lifetime the third game would start around nine and it’d still be slightly light outside, when we’d try to get three in around the solstice. those were the days. and so are these.

Image
holding it down on the other side of the border

enjoy your catch (it died)

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Re: A Confession

Post by Heero[CntRmbrPwd] » Sat Jul 07, 2018 11:43 pm

one of my pigeons is going to die tonight. it has stopped eating and is wasting away. ive lost a couple thusly recently. i have watched them wither and then found them dead one morn. i do not know what is wrong. i have tossed this one out of the loft for the evening. something will kill it before morn. mayhap should have put it out of its misery quickly. i have killed the last thus. i havent this one. this is really weighing on me. i do not know what is wrong.

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austrotard
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Sun Jul 08, 2018 2:56 am

other than builders there's others that can take your money just as fast and easy.

I sometimes look to a dentist.
you need look to a veterinarian. or a pigeon whisperer.



since this is about me confession: I'm quoting and accepting more contracts than I can handle.

since this is about sunday: I mean even today.

since this is about a day of rest: I'm happy to long con seven days a week.

since this is about the long con: but I can also convince you I can do it eight.

since this is about me again: I don't like birds feathers, hey.
progression is not addition.
progression takes a cunningness, tact and a certain level of ruthlessness.
you'll find they go hand in hand as we poison their water, josh.

-anonymous mtice

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austrotard
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Wed Jul 11, 2018 8:45 pm

confethion: your mate mtice copped a tensioned ratchet clip in the mouth this morning.

relathes: sore gums, fat as fuck lip, teeth okay.

elathes: picked the wrong day to get up at 03:30

lathes: fuck my lip.
progression is not addition.
progression takes a cunningness, tact and a certain level of ruthlessness.
you'll find they go hand in hand as we poison their water, josh.

-anonymous mtice

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Bruiser
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Re: A Confession

Post by Bruiser » Thu Jul 12, 2018 2:26 pm

Teeth OK is a relative term for an Engerlander.

So I am told.
That sounds awesome in my ears!! (P-A)

we were basking in goodness here with our everyday drivel that we enjoy.... the rest of this is horseshit, flybug.pa.

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austrotard
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Thu Jul 12, 2018 9:48 pm

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progression is not addition.
progression takes a cunningness, tact and a certain level of ruthlessness.
you'll find they go hand in hand as we poison their water, josh.

-anonymous mtice

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austrotard
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Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:24 am
Location: the austrocity exhibition
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Mon Jul 16, 2018 7:45 am

confession: three fingies of livet12, two teaspoons of cinnamon sugar, juice of half a lemon, manuka honey and hot water.

relates: california mtice strikes again.

elates: kept me away from a funeral.

lates: five more sleeps to pembo drake camp.

sate: didn't see one second of that final last night.
progression is not addition.
progression takes a cunningness, tact and a certain level of ruthlessness.
you'll find they go hand in hand as we poison their water, josh.

-anonymous mtice

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austrotard
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Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:24 am
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Thu Jul 19, 2018 4:54 am

confession: mtice got his just deserts today, the fucker.

relates: and since everybody loves a good mtice schadenfreude...

elates: he has been married for nineteen fucking long years.

lates: but there's more of the longings and less of the fuckings...

sate: so he's taking her where tonight? that's right... nowhere tonight.

eta: canadia. this time next year. perhaps.

ta: take away it is then. italiano perhaps.
progression is not addition.
progression takes a cunningness, tact and a certain level of ruthlessness.
you'll find they go hand in hand as we poison their water, josh.

-anonymous mtice

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Average Joe
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Re: A Confession

Post by Average Joe » Mon Jul 23, 2018 6:26 pm

A couple of months ago my father was complaining about his teeth, so I took him to see my dentist.

The dentist asked, "When was the last time you had your teeth checked?"

"Years."

The dentist took some x-rays and ended up pulling some teeth.

Last week my mother told me that my father had another tooth that was bothering him.

She asked if I could make another appointment for the Old Man to see my dentist.

Fine.

This morning when I arrived at my parents' house he said, "Are we going to see your dentist today?"

"Yes."

"Good," he replied.

Off we go.

Not long after we arrived at the office, the dentist came out and walked the Old Man back to an examination room.

I stayed in reception and picked up a magazine.

Ten minutes later the dentist came out and said, "I asked your father which tooth was giving him problems. He said all of his teeth are fine, and that he has no idea why he's here. I did a tap test on each of his remaining teeth, and everything looks OK, so.."

I asked the dentist if I could use his phone to call my mother. I then put her on the phone with the dentist. She had no idea which tooth my father had been complaining about, so I apologized to the dentist and then took the Old Man out to lunch.

He ate half a loaf of French bread with a big bowl of salad and then mowed down an order of lamb shanks, with no complaints.

On the drive back to the house he said, "That dentist is great. Fixed me right up, and I didn't feel a thing. How about we have a nice cigar once we get back to the house?"

"Sure."

As soon as we got to the house he settled into his recliner and fell asleep.

I covered him with a blanket and then drove home.

Bright side: the Old Man still has more teeth than Mitch.

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