A Confession

All threads that bitch about new, existing, or old members will be posted/relocated here. Keep this shit off the General forum, because no one wants (or cares) to hear your opinions. Now go back to the other forums and post something worthy of reading.
User avatar
RFA
Posts: 7111
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 11:16 am

Re: A Confession

Post by RFA » Mon Oct 23, 2017 1:22 pm

Turd Chasers
As it turns out, God? He was a squirrel. A big 'ol meaty one. "I found god, he used to say"

User avatar
austrotard
Posts: 8929
Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:24 am
Location: the austrocity exhibition
Contact:

Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Tue Oct 24, 2017 2:06 am

confession: I sent some patagucci to a drakian's addy without asking first.

relates: patagucci don't do no stinking austria.

elates: last day of secret squirrel sale.

lates: fucking nearly, mate. only just remembered.

sate: rock grippers, $167 sepps.

eta: well if he pulls his fucking finger out maybe a fortnight.

ta: yes. ta very much.

a: is for austrian and assumption. oh, and asshole.
49% of americans assume I give a shit about what they think.

User avatar
stillsteamin
Posts: 462
Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2011 11:46 pm

Re: A Confession

Post by stillsteamin » Thu Oct 26, 2017 10:05 am

Today's trick or treat day in the office which requires me to pretend I give a shit about your kids.

ates: I don't.

624_leterkenny.jpg
624_leterkenny.jpg (156.44 KiB) Viewed 466 times
"There's nothing more overrated than a piece of ass and there's nothing more underrated than a good shit." -Glen Blackwood

User avatar
RFA
Posts: 7111
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 11:16 am

Re: A Confession

Post by RFA » Thu Oct 26, 2017 10:42 am

Speaking of kids. My daughter had her "boyfriend" over for the first time ever, as in her first boyfriend over for the first time ever, they are 13.

The wife grilled me about not bullying him, and honestly, after seeing this nervous little gawky child in front of me, it seemed like it would be over the top for me to be anything but cordial.He was intimidated enough just by being in our home.

So, we eat dinner, and afterwards my daughter starts pestering the fucking coonhound(as she always does) in the other room, making him have a barking fit. I walk out from the kitchen to quiet the dog down, and see my daughter washing her hands in the bathroom, partially obscured by the door. I said "Stop fucking with the dog, and take your boyfriend's shoes off for Christ' sake."

A terrified, 13 year old boy looks out from the bathroom. He was wearing skinny jeans, and had the same build as my daughter.I honestly thought it was her.

Whelp, there goes date night. I wonder how the drive home with his Mom went?
As it turns out, God? He was a squirrel. A big 'ol meaty one. "I found god, he used to say"

User avatar
fly-chucker
Posts: 698
Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2010 5:48 pm
Location: Frozen North

Re: A Confession

Post by fly-chucker » Thu Oct 26, 2017 4:31 pm

RFA wrote:
Thu Oct 26, 2017 10:42 am
Speaking of kids. My daughter had her "boyfriend" over for the first time ever, as in her first boyfriend over for the first time ever, they are 13.

The wife grilled me about not bullying him, and honestly, after seeing this nervous little gawky child in front of me, it seemed like it would be over the top for me to be anything but cordial.He was intimidated enough just by being in our home.

So, we eat dinner, and afterwards my daughter starts pestering the fucking coonhound(as she always does) in the other room, making him have a barking fit. I walk out from the kitchen to quiet the dog down, and see my daughter washing her hands in the bathroom, partially obscured by the door. I said "Stop fucking with the dog, and take your boyfriend's shoes off for Christ' sake."

A terrified, 13 year old boy looks out from the bathroom. He was wearing skinny jeans, and had the same build as my daughter.I honestly thought it was her.

Whelp, there goes date night. I wonder how the drive home with his Mom went?
In the same boat, except mine waited until she was 14.
Larfed fucking hard at this one. :cool
"The difference between genius and stupidity is genius has its limits." -CC

"Get off the water you dumb asses…there is a shit storm coming." -Pancho Rancho

"Fucker compared my small stream trout weenie cast to an epileptic with Tourette’s Syndrome." -Carpe Tructa

User avatar
austrotard
Posts: 8929
Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:24 am
Location: the austrocity exhibition
Contact:

Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Fri Oct 27, 2017 10:42 pm

''just remember... everything you do to her, I'm gonna do to you. but harder.''

-daddy mtice
49% of americans assume I give a shit about what they think.

User avatar
austrotard
Posts: 8929
Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:24 am
Location: the austrocity exhibition
Contact:

Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Tue Oct 31, 2017 4:52 am

confession: if they're found to be in my neighbourhood I'm going to maim some 'killer clowns' tonight.

relates: scare my girls and you're going home in two pieces.

elates: I have a lovely hatchet

lates: and I guarantee I will not miss.

sate: no scott p thumbs for this fucko.
49% of americans assume I give a shit about what they think.

User avatar
RFA
Posts: 7111
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 11:16 am

Re: A Confession

Post by RFA » Tue Oct 31, 2017 10:02 am

austrotard wrote:
Tue Oct 31, 2017 4:52 am
confession: if they're found to be in my neighbourhood I'm going to maim some 'killer clowns' tonight.

relates: scare my girls and you're going home in two pieces.

elates: I have a lovely hatchet

lates: and I guarantee I will not miss.

sate: no scott p thumbs for this fucko.
Halloween freaks you out that bad? Dude, it's not real, just costumes. Relax.

I have like 10 hatchet that are all better than your shitty one too.....and I actually know how to use them.
As it turns out, God? He was a squirrel. A big 'ol meaty one. "I found god, he used to say"

User avatar
austrotard
Posts: 8929
Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:24 am
Location: the austrocity exhibition
Contact:

Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Tue Oct 31, 2017 5:24 pm

only you would compensate with ten fucking hatchets.

weirdo.
49% of americans assume I give a shit about what they think.

User avatar
RFA
Posts: 7111
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 11:16 am

Re: A Confession

Post by RFA » Tue Oct 31, 2017 5:47 pm

Back on track.

Confession: I think my overall influence in every regard has diminished since phones became popliar (my daughter still says it this way, at 13).

I fucking DESPISE texting, it is a random puke of short term memory that is both devoid of any thought and care for structure. I try, I really try to communicate with those of you who are too stupid to put together sentences, and who must text. All of that technology, every scientist, every algorithm, every corporate meeting still makes my texts look like this :
"You just cashed your. Good in for 1, possibly. Tuna from the"
At the very (very) least, I got the following 3 suggestions(based on my previous entries) when I typed the real message above, before it corrected me:
"fuck"
"the fuck is"
"later"
I swear this is what showed up on the bottom of my phone as I hit send.

I guess the technology is learning something from the Raffalgorithms.
As it turns out, God? He was a squirrel. A big 'ol meaty one. "I found god, he used to say"

User avatar
austrotard
Posts: 8929
Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:24 am
Location: the austrocity exhibition
Contact:

Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Tue Oct 31, 2017 5:49 pm

fourth world problis.
49% of americans assume I give a shit about what they think.

User avatar
RFA
Posts: 7111
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 11:16 am

Re: A Confession

Post by RFA » Tue Oct 31, 2017 6:06 pm

austrotard wrote:
Tue Oct 31, 2017 5:49 pm
fourth world problis.
I'm too lazy to see if Austria is still celebrating Halloween or if is yet to descend on the populace of Perth.

My money is on the over(it's).

Shunned is breathing a sigh of relief from his (locked) office, knowing that his wife and children made it home safe from 3 blocks over, where neighbors gave them free sweets, complete with cool lawn decorations, and maybe a corny dad dressed as an Aussie Scarecrow (Aborigine) who yells "Strewth, yah cunts!!!" from the outback (manicured bushes).

And the temperature is nearing 200 degrees all the while.
As it turns out, God? He was a squirrel. A big 'ol meaty one. "I found god, he used to say"

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bigguy, Honyuk96, imsorrywhat, LA Fly Guy and 84 guests