All threads that bitch about new, existing, or old members will be posted/relocated here. Keep this shit off the General forum, because no one wants (or cares) to hear your opinions. Now go back to the other forums and post something worthy of reading.
User avatar
By Average Joe
#512414
Bears Fan wrote:I believe there is an expensive label of fruit preserves that you just described the packaging of pretty well. I have only seen it at the high dollar grocery stores. Either way, "Tira piu’ un pelo di figa che un carro di buoi."
This was plain old generic berry jam. Probably a product of China sweetened with antifreeze. After she finished going on and on about how her dog deserves only the best, I picked up the jam and and held it up so she could see the label. We both had a good laugh. She returned it later that day.
User avatar
By SLSS
#512423
Average Joe wrote: The dog took the biscuit and ate it in the disgusting manner he eats everything, crumbs and spittle flying from his mouth as he crunched away. And there stood my wife, praising him, speaking to him in Italian, no doubt telling him what a good boy he was.

Maybe you need to be a little more clear when you really like something. I learn a lot from my dogs.

And I'd imitate their eating habits if it resulted in my girl speaking to me in Italian. Wouldn't matter what she said.
User avatar
By Bears Fan
#512436
That is too funny.
User avatar
By CharlieJenkem
#512443
Average Joe wrote:This past Saturday morning my wife was putting away the groceries while I was sitting at the dining room table tying some flies.

Wife: "The grocery store had a sale on dog biscuits, but they were an off brand that I didn't recognize. I had the box in my hand and was about to drop them in the cart, but then I thought, 'What if he doesn't like them? He's always there, happy to see me when I come home from work or shopping. He deserves better than second rate biscuits, so stop being so cheap and buy him the good kind, even if they are twice as much.' And so that's what I did."

I looked up from what I was doing in time to see her open the box and give one of these biscuits to the dog. The dog took the biscuit and ate it in the disgusting manner he eats everything, crumbs and spittle flying from his mouth as he crunched away. And there stood my wife, praising him, speaking to him in Italian, no doubt telling him what a good boy he was.

And then my eye wandered over to a jar that was sitting on the counter amongst the other groceries. Stuck to the jar was a plain white label, and on the label I could make out two distinct words in black type. They read "Berry Jam." Not "Knott's Berry Farm Berry Jam." Not "Smucker's Berry Jam." Just "Berry Jam."

And then I remembered that while my wife was making out her grocery list the previous evening, she'd asked me if I wanted or needed anything from the market, and I'd replied, "Pick me up some berry jam."

It's always good to know where you stand in a relationship.

Haha. My wife's frugality is evenhanded. However, I frequently get: "Would you mind getting up [from that comfortable chair where you're minding your own business and enjoying a glass of scotch] to get me X? I'd do it myself, but I don't want to disturb the dog."
User avatar
By Bears Fan
#512472
Chuck, I fear that is the road I am headed down. I think I am ok with that though. Thanks for the laugh.
User avatar
By SLSS
#512479
Bears Fan wrote:Chuck, I fear that is the road I am headed down. I think I am ok with that though.
Smores finalize the deal?

I used carrot cake.
User avatar
By Bears Fan
#512498
We shall see. She has a well mannered retriever that I began buying toys for over a year ago. Damn.

Keep an ear out for "Un pezzo di merda" my step father taught me that one early on (-;
By BobLoblaw
#512506
Bears Fan wrote:Chuck, I fear that is the road I am headed down. I think I am ok with that though. Thanks for the laugh.
I find myself reading all of your posts in Ron Swanson's voice.
Under no circumstances should you ever change your avatar! :cool
User avatar
By CharlieJenkem
#512521
Bears Fan wrote:Chuck, I fear that is the road I am headed down. I think I am ok with that though. Thanks for the laugh.
There are worse fates - good luck! :cool

Why how-come you only got 21 posts?? Did you roll your odometer over?
User avatar
By Tailer
#512528
I used shrimp and grits, and she bought toys for Brown Dog, but either way, good luck!
User avatar
By Bears Fan
#512535
Loblaw consider it done. That was my intention, and I must admit that I sometimes find myself doing the same thing.

Charles, I was locked out of my old account. Apparently talking to jed is like talking to the cops. Everything you say can and will be used against you. Speaking of, anyone have the name of a Bahamas guide they would definitely not recommend? I wish to book a half day for a friend.
  • 1
  • 119
  • 120
  • 121
  • 122
  • 123
  • 615
Thumbing Through Some SBSs

Muddled Hedgehog https://live.staticflickr.c[…]

A Confession

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j58V2vC9EPc

The return of Stolen Hours

1-22-2020 - 2 Between five or six doctors&rsq[…]

Fu@#&^# Drake

the photofuckit assholes are holding my shit hosta[…]

Subscribe to The Drake Magazine