A Confession

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austrotard
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Fri Oct 19, 2018 1:12 am

confession: so I'm thinking about beating my secretary...

relates:

"dementia."
'what?'
"dementia."
'spell it.'
"dimin/cha."
'that's diminishing chamfered, you twit.'

elates: it's all right. she's quit to go play on her swing.
we'll always have buffalo, sweet josh.

-mtice

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austrotard
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Fri Oct 26, 2018 11:44 pm

confession: hungover as fuck. missed work. forgot to put an invoice through. haven't paid anybody. short on cash for today's material retrieval. motor sitting out there on my verge. missus is gonna kill us when she gets home. feel and most prolly smell like dirty old man ass.

relates: rampant's back in pertharoo.

elates: see relates.
we'll always have buffalo, sweet josh.

-mtice

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Average Joe
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Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2012 3:04 pm
Location: Where they rip out the trees and name streets after them.

Re: A Confession

Post by Average Joe » Sat Nov 03, 2018 10:28 pm

My wife left me this past Wednesday morning.

We've been married for over twenty-four years now, and it's the first time I've had the house to myself.

The transformation our home has undergone during her absence has been astounding.

Disastrous might be a better word.

I'll know for certain when she returns tomorrow afternoon.

I haven't fished or contributed anything to this place in quite a while.

After I retired I spent many hours sitting on the patio.

During that time I drank a lot of beer and smoked a lot of cigars while staring at the dog's toilet.

One day, after consuming more beers than I normally do, I thought, "Perhaps I can train Chauncey to use a different part of the yard (i.e., one I can't see from the patio) as his toilet."

And so the next day I prepped a patch of dirt on the side of the house and sowed it with lawn seed. I put up a temporary fence and gave the lawn generous amounts of water until it was green, lush, and well established.

Then I removed the fence.

In a matter of weeks it looked just like the dog's regular, everyday toilet.
1.JPG
Unfortunately, once the dog had destroyed the new lawn, he went back to shitting and pissing on the old lawn.

It was then I thought, "Fuck it. I'm putting in artificial turf." Before I knew it I was ripping up bricks and shoveling dirt into a wheelbarrow.
2.JPG
Once the bricks and dirt were gone, I paid someone to dump seven tons of base rock onto my driveway, and then shoveled that into the wheelbarrow and filled in the area where the dirt used to be. Then I chipped the mortar off the old bricks and replaced the old pathways.
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Chauncey remained undeterred by the changes that had taken place.
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I was one day away from renting a compactor and ordering a roll of artificial turf, when this arrived.
5.JPG
From the photo one might think, "What a sweet looking dog."

Minutes after his arrival, he was spinning like a Looney-Tune Tasmanian Devil, and base rock was flying everywhere.
6.JPG
He was adopted last week, but it will take a while to repair the damage he caused during his brief stay.

When not working on the yard, I'm usually with my father. He requires more and more care, and my mother finds it very difficult to look after him.

I try to take him up to his ranch in Mendocino at least once a month, and it's during those times that I come to fully appreciate my mother's predicament.

He can't do much of anything for himself, and I no longer feel comfortable taking a walk and leaving him on his own.

His old chicken coop and its surrounds are now infested with California ground squirrels. These rodents are classified as pests, and the state encourages their eradication. I've a good view of that area from just outside the bar, (roughly 150 yards across the way), and so for entertainment purposes I purchased a .22 caliber rifle so that I'd have something to do in the afternoon while he's napping.
7.jpg
I never thought I'd be worse at anything more than fly fishing.

I was wrong.

I recently purchased a scope for the rifle. Perhaps that will improve my odds the next time I take my father up to his ranch.

More later, when then mood strikes.

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Average Joe
Posts: 2599
Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2012 3:04 pm
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Re: A Confession

Post by Average Joe » Sat Nov 03, 2018 10:28 pm

My wife left me this past Wednesday morning.

We've been married for over twenty-four years now, and it's the first time I've had the house to myself.

The transformation our home has undergone during her absence has been astounding.

Disastrous might be a better word.

I'll know for certain when she returns tomorrow afternoon.

I haven't fished or contributed anything to this place in quite a while.

After I retired I spent many hours sitting on the patio.

During that time I drank a lot of beer and smoked a lot of cigars while staring at the dog's toilet.

One day, after consuming more beers than I normally do, I thought, "Perhaps I can train Chauncey to use a different part of the yard (i.e., one I can't see from the patio) as his toilet."

And so the next day I prepped a patch of dirt on the side of the house and sowed it with lawn seed. I put up a temporary fence and gave the lawn generous amounts of water until it was green, lush, and well established.

Then I removed the fence.

In a matter of weeks it looked just like the dog's regular, everyday toilet.
1.JPG
1.JPG (244.7 KiB) Viewed 407 times
Unfortunately, once the dog had destroyed the new lawn, he went back to shitting and pissing on the old lawn.

It was then I thought, "Fuck it. I'm putting in artificial turf." Before I knew it I was ripping up bricks and shoveling dirt into a wheelbarrow.
2.JPG
2.JPG (207.01 KiB) Viewed 407 times
Once the bricks and dirt were gone, I paid someone to dump seven tons of base rock onto my driveway, and then shoveled that into the wheelbarrow and filled in the area where the dirt used to be. Then I chipped the mortar off the old bricks and replaced the old pathways.
3.JPG
3.JPG (248.89 KiB) Viewed 407 times
Chauncey remained undeterred by the changes that had taken place.
4.JPG
4.JPG (281.35 KiB) Viewed 407 times
I was one day away from renting a compactor and ordering a roll of artificial turf, when this arrived.
5.JPG
5.JPG (143.81 KiB) Viewed 407 times
From the photo one might think, "What a sweet looking dog."

Minutes after his arrival, he was spinning like a Looney-Tune Tasmanian Devil, and base rock was flying everywhere.
6.JPG
6.JPG (119.77 KiB) Viewed 407 times
He was adopted last week, but it will take a while to repair the damage he caused during his brief stay.

When not working on the yard, I'm usually with my father. He requires more and more care, and my mother finds it very difficult to look after him.

I try to take him up to his ranch in Mendocino at least once a month, and it's during those times that I come to fully appreciate my mother's predicament.

He can't do much of anything for himself, and I no longer feel comfortable taking a walk and leaving him on his own.

His old chicken coop and its surrounds are now infested with California ground squirrels. These rodents are classified as pests, and the state encourages their eradication. I've a good view of that area from just outside the bar, (roughly 150 yards across the way), and so for entertainment purposes I purchased a .22 caliber rifle so that I'd have something to do in the afternoon while he's napping.
7.jpg
7.jpg (91.16 KiB) Viewed 407 times
I never thought I'd be worse at anything more than fly fishing.

I was wrong.

I recently purchased a scope for the rifle. Perhaps that will improve my odds the next time I take my father up to his ranch.

More later, when then mood strikes.

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austrotard
Posts: 9999
Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:24 am
Location: the austrocity exhibition
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Sat Nov 03, 2018 11:41 pm

funny thing is when she gets home she's expecting a lap pool.

at least it'll look like one from the airplane.


I was supposed to paint the bathroom once.
just put in a brighter light globe.

/high5!
we'll always have buffalo, sweet josh.

-mtice

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fallen513
Posts: 3222
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2011 1:12 pm

Re: A Confession

Post by fallen513 » Sun Nov 04, 2018 4:27 am

needs more brandy
____________________________________________________________________________________
I love flyfishing so much I want it to die. -thalweg

Isn't it TIME?

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flashback
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Re: A Confession

Post by flashback » Mon Nov 05, 2018 5:32 am

If coming to rust bake, time shooting can be arranged (no sipping) so maybe the squirrels could be in danger. Best tool for the job is probably an air rifle though, there are whisper quiet ones now, a pistol I have clocks at over 700 fps, extremely accurate. Neighbors wouldn't hear much noise. Living in North Buffalo, we rely more on our fox terriers, they are great squirrel and other rodent assassins. Just kinda gross when they come up to you with fresh kill in their mouths,

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Average Joe
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Re: A Confession

Post by Average Joe » Mon Nov 05, 2018 9:34 pm

Confession: I lied about not fishing recently.

Two weeks ago my brother rented a cabin in the Sierra range and invited Cornholio, me, and a few other guys to join him on an eastern California river.
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I use the term fishing lightly, because during that time I spent no more than an hour in the pursuit of trout.

I might have fished more were it not for this clock.
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Cornholio: "When do you want to head out?"

Jose, looking at the clock: "Let's leave at 10:00. That gives us time for a drink before we go."

Jose and Cornholio move to the patio and enjoy three drinks apiece, as well as cigars.

Cornholio: "We should probably get going."

Jose looks at the clock.
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Jose: "We've still got ten minutes. Have another cigar while I refill your goblet."
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Another hour passes.

Cornholio: "I'm going to need more 7-UP."
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Another hour passes, and the clock still looks like this.
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As for Cornholio...
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The next day my brother dragged Cornholio and me and the rest of the group out of the cabin and down to the river.
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Cornholio told me to tie on an EC caddis.

I did.

I caught nothing.

As for the meals, they were all one star at best.
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It was a great trip.

More later.

Perhaps.

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augustwest
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Location: way west of Michigan

Re: A Confession

Post by augustwest » Tue Nov 06, 2018 12:25 am

good company
hey to holio and average jeff.
"Enjoy every sandwich." -- W. Zevon

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BigTimber
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Re: A Confession

Post by BigTimber » Tue Nov 06, 2018 10:02 am

Even though I like your photos, Joe, I kind of liked the version that just had the photo title and no photo. I thought you did that on purposes.....
.....AND I thought your wife left you for good.
This place has enough jiggly milkbags, marsupials fisting off, and animated cherubs getting stabbed in the fuck to get anyone shitcanned, if''n their boss can''t take a joke. ~SUAF

Pussy, much like freedom, ain't free.

America has become a dildo that has turned berserkly on its owner. ~McGuane 1971

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LTFI
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Re: A Confession

Post by LTFI » Tue Nov 06, 2018 6:31 pm

BigTimber wrote:
Tue Nov 06, 2018 10:02 am
Even though I like your photos, Joe, I kind of liked the version that just had the photo title and no photo. I thought you did that on purposes.....
.....AND I thought your wife left you for good.
This ^

Food looks decent I guess, 1 star ceasar, cheap booze, no fish, I don't know how you con people into going on these trips Joe.

Looks like you fished sat and smoked a cigar on my favorite stretch. :cool

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