- Wed Jan 27, 2016 3:12 pm
Wow, you guys really warmed my heart. I finally got that amazing care package. I have to say it had me in tears. You guys went way beyond for me. Not many people in my life have done anything like that before. I was really broken up. I couldn't even unwrap it all at once. I felt so touched and also so very guilty for not being a better person and friend. It was so thoughtful of you guys. I don't even have words for my gratitude.
I'm in sober living place in a very small town in Colorado. It's only me and Kristi here right now. The place is called The Texan Resort and Recovery. There's 38 cabins for fisherman. The town has no tourism in the winter but in the summer it is ALL fisherman.
The owner Arlen wants me to tie flies for all the clients and guide. He has invested so much in me. He is giving me back a future and I really can't believe it. I have been to 20 inpatient rehabs, some for 30 days, some for 90 and some for 4 months. I stayed in a sober living place for a year when I was 23, I stayed sober for 6 years after that.
So Kristi and I commented to 6 months but I will probably stay on and live here as long as things work out.
I'm having problems with Kristi. When we were high we were 100% love, all the time. Drugs gave me a feeling of total contentment. So much that it was all I did. This last time we went for almost a year and a half. Over a year I lived in Atlanta, all over southern CA, Carlsbad, Encinitas, Oceanside, Cardiff, San Diego, Portland, Texas, Seattle. Fuck in Seattle we had the nicest house you could imagine. We had a giant front window where you could see the city, Lake Union was right below us so we saw sea planes taking of and landing all day. And in the background I could see the Olympic Peninsula.I have never fished the OP and I fucking lived right there. I never fished once. My life centered around getting and using drugs. I could practically touch the OP and I never went. Root lived right there but I was too ashamed of myself to even call him. I'm sorry Root, I love you brother, you gave me my first steelhead in the place I dreamed and read about for my entire life.
I want to say thank you to my friends, and all of you who have encouraged me to make a change. I also appreciate those of you who may have thought that I am simply a fuck up. When I'm on dope I can't make good decisions. For most of you the drug is just a drug but for me the drug equals survival, it's a mid brain thing. I am two months off the shit and I'm just beginning to see some light again. Fucking drugs took away everything and everyone that I love.
Anyway I'm sorry this thing is so long. I don't have a phone and I rarely get to use my computer. I've been 100% focused on getting my live back. It's hard especially with the fighting with Kris. I love her and am committed to her all the way too.
Fuck, there I go again. Here's the thanks:
Josh, Peebers, thank you for the dvd, I love that film, I've watched it dozens of time already. I can't wait to fish with you again, we could even stay in cabin 6 together and I'll bring my Christmas CD's.
Ginny, Nick, thank for you for the kind note and for the hooks. You gave the last of your Bartleets, love you brother.
I can't wait to crash your floor again and fish all those amazing spots you took me to. I miss you.
Mike, AugustWest, fuck man, thank you for organizing that, you hooked me up so solidly, I know that took time and effort, I know what that's like too, I organized that salmon fly swap. Thank you for the magazine, the CD's, THE AMAZING PICTURE OF THE STEEHEAD YOU COUGHT ON MY FLY!! That really touched me deeply brother. And thanks for the sticker, hooks, shanks, all of that stuff. You have truly been a friend through all of this, even though I disappeared, you did not.
Thank you brother, I love you.
Jasper, MainDrifter, dude, you've hooked me up with so much gear I have no words. You also have always tried to reach out to me and it means everything to me. I loved that book too dude! I know it's frustrating to reach out to someone and get no reply. I'm sorry to have been AWAL, thanks for sticking by me anyway.
Bob, Bobwhite, my man, you gave me a painting, I have it on the front of my binder that I carry with me every day. You also gave me a set of your greeting cards, I love them. But most of all thank you for your kind words, even though we have never met face to face I also consider you a dear friend. Your note really broke me up. I feel so grateful to have friends like all of you guys.
Tom, Nimo, you hooked me up with all the stickers, I'll tag all of Lake City with Drake stickers.
Sean, Austrotard, (hey, little factoid, I gave him his avatard name, ha ha fucker!)
Listen bro, I am sorry I have been illusive. No excuses, I'm a dick. This is the first time I have had internet in a while, the reacher sucks here. I know you sent me an email, I will read it right after this. You are my brother, I miss you, I miss doing battle with you here. I hope we can fish again soon. Or at least you can watch me catch wild Steelfish on the best river God made. I'm sorry we had such little time together, I really liked your cute pink waders. Leaving BC and leaving two great friends was really hard on me. Being at that airport was really heartbreaking.
Please know that I love you and I miss the shit we do. Your flies still need a lot of work. Maybe I can inspire you when I start tying again. And maybe I'll let you suck my balls a little too, we'll see.
Root, Bill, thank you for your kind and inspiring PM. I can't believe you moved to the salt?! You are my soul bro. You gave me the best trip of my life. In my darkness I bring up my time with you in BC. I am so, so sorry you lost Poon Dog. That is truly one of life's hardest things. I hope you've got a new puppy already, dogs deserve to live with you. I miss and love you greatly.
Again, it took me almost a week to open all that stuff. I felt so guilty that I have been a fuck up and you guys have stood by and gave me so much happiness and hope. It was heartwarming and my heart has been cold for too long.
I went fishing for the first time in almost 2 years. The river was frozen but slots where open. It was so cold I thought I would die. Walking home the wind was blowing straight up the valley at me, it was fucking freezing. Didn't catch any but it didn't matter. I'm slowly getting back my old passions.
I hope I haven't lost my ability to tie the big boys, I have my stuff here now but I have to fix up the cabin so I haven't tried yet. Kristi got really tired of living in a smaller cabin. She loves to cook and the kitchen sucks. So we are moving into another one but we have to redo the floors, paint the whole thing and get the shitty old furniture out. I'm excited about it though.
To all of you on this thread and in my PM's, thanks for the hope and inspiration, I love you all. I can't wait to be back on full time. I miss the Flake, I miss it badly.
I'm about an hour from Gunnison, kind of south west Colorado. It's closet to Telluride where my father lived for years. It's incredibly beautiful here and I'm finally appreciating it again. If anyone of you ever are near me please call. Kristi's phone is 970-319-3999. We kind of had a bad fight last night and she smashed her iPhone against the wall so we have to go to Gunnison for a new one. But please hit me up if anyone is ever near.
Sorry I went on so long. Just needed to say thank you to all of you.
Oh, who sent me the Steelhead book?! I love it, if you all went in on it thank you very much.
You guys went way beyond for me. Love you guys.
All my love and thanks,
PS: fucking ChasesCum, you posted a picture of my best man Tigey. I got married on the Roaring For in Aspen. That brought back a lot of memories, incredibly too because I was on several drugs!
"I've been blessed with many things in this life. An arm like a damn rocket, a cock like a Burmese Python and the mind of a fuckin scientist."
-Kenny Fuckin Powers