A Confession

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austrotard
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Sat Nov 25, 2017 4:39 pm

confession: I'm up early on a sunday because I'm going fishing. for realz.

relates: the mighty collie.

elates: stickie shoesyboots.

lates: fucking dave.

sate: I don't fucking care really. I'd be the most laidback motherfucking guide in the world. I wouldn't even care if we fished.

eta: op on tuesday.

at: 10am.
we'll always have buffalo, sweet josh.

-mtice

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CharlieJenkem
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Re: A Confession

Post by CharlieJenkem » Mon Nov 27, 2017 3:27 pm

I saw a dood doing tenkara today. In his doctor's scrubs. And I didn't shank him. So solly.
Master of karate and friendship for everyone.

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austrotard
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Tue Nov 28, 2017 9:59 am

confession: "the tiniest of pinners before bed..."

relates: said the drug abuser.

elates: mumbled, rather.
we'll always have buffalo, sweet josh.

-mtice

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austrotard
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Tue Nov 28, 2017 10:11 am

lates: you can all feel better now.

sate: chatty patty has left the building.
we'll always have buffalo, sweet josh.

-mtice

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pbrstreetgang
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Re: A Confession

Post by pbrstreetgang » Tue Nov 28, 2017 7:06 pm

relates: repacking gauze on norco - not recommended.
$5
Everybody knows this is nowhere...

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austrotard
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Tue Nov 28, 2017 9:12 pm

dude, if something was going to choke me it's this... this morning I found a teaspoon sized piece of scrambled egg in my mouth from yesterday.

go on, gis us a kiss.
we'll always have buffalo, sweet josh.

-mtice

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kish
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Re: A Confession

Post by kish » Tue Nov 28, 2017 10:17 pm

Nature abhors a vacuum.
“We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.” Charles Kingsley

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austrotard
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:45 am

confession: today I bought 'front end loader murderer'.

relates: a cigar shaped pipe.

elates: the cool kids probably have a better name for them.

lates: I've changed the lyrics. sue me.

we'll always have buffalo, sweet josh.

-mtice

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mendthatshit87
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Re: A Confession

Post by mendthatshit87 » Thu Nov 30, 2017 3:39 pm

austrotard wrote:
Tue Nov 28, 2017 9:12 pm
dude, if something was going to choke me it's this... this morning I found a teaspoon sized piece of scrambled egg in my mouth from yesterday.

go on, gis us a kiss.
I could easily think of at least two things you have a higher probability of choking on other than eggs...But, thats none of my business.
"......what evil lurks in the hearts of Drake."

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austrotard
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Re: A Confession

Post by austrotard » Mon Dec 04, 2017 12:19 am

confession: I did not know that methadone would block the effects of codeine.

relates: can you tell I've run out of grass?

elates: don't worry. I'm not about to heath ledger myself.

lates: where the fuck is dave?
we'll always have buffalo, sweet josh.

-mtice

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Average Joe
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Location: Where they rip out the trees and name streets after them.

Re: A Confession

Post by Average Joe » Sat Dec 09, 2017 7:31 pm

My wife hates the holidays.

Every year I ask her if she wants a tree.

For the past several years she's replied, "No."

"Lights?"

"No."

"Fine."

This year she decided she wanted a tree.

Fine.

I got her a tree.

Which meant I then had to take down all of the Christmas shit - boxes and boxes of it - so she could decorate her tree.

One of the boxes of Christmas shit contained the outdoor lights.

After pulling them out she brought them to me and said, "Are you going to put these up this year?"

"If you want."

She looked them over and said, "They're in pretty bad shape, and lights are cheap. I think I'm just going to toss them."

"Fine."

This morning she took the dog for a walk while I was out front raking up leaves.

On her way back she stopped by the neighbor's house.

The neighbor was on a ladder, putting up lights.

Wife: "Oh! You're putting up Christmas lights! How nice!"

Neighbor: "Yes. Are you going to put lights up this year?"

"Wife: "No, my husband made me throw them away."

Neighbor: "I noticed that you put up a tree this year."

Wife: "Yes. Usually we don't, but I've had a rough couple of weeks and thought, 'It would be nice to come home to a tree instead of just... nothing.'"

I looked up and noticed that the dog was staring at me, as if to say, "I know my name, and it ain't 'Nothing,' so she must be talking about you."

I stared back at him and thought, "I can live with that. At least I'm not going to the vet on Monday."

Some people think dogs can tell what you're thinking.

I'd swear I saw him squirm.

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Lando
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Re: A Confession

Post by Lando » Mon Dec 11, 2017 9:58 am

Hashtagfancyproblems.....

All I think about lately is milky thighs and using two hands....
BFE5DED2-D5F1-439A-A0F7-CEA0100D4FDC.jpeg
Not milky thighs
BFE5DED2-D5F1-439A-A0F7-CEA0100D4FDC.jpeg (100.92 KiB) Viewed 1365 times
If my tombstone reads, "He never ate sushi." it won't be a lie, and I'll be OK with that.

~Average Joe

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