Spam for a Good Product

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Ginseng Sullivan
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Re: Spam for a Good Product

Post by Ginseng Sullivan » Tue Jan 23, 2018 1:42 pm

Hopefully you're not buying Horse from the Weed Lady. :coffee

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austrotard
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Re: Spam for a Good Product

Post by austrotard » Tue Jan 23, 2018 8:07 pm

I once took a box of chocolates to the weed lady.
we'll always have buffalo, sweet josh.

-mtice

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Average Joe
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Re: Spam for a Good Product

Post by Average Joe » Tue Jan 23, 2018 10:00 pm

austrotard wrote:
Tue Jan 23, 2018 8:07 pm
I once took a box of chocolates to the weed lady.
That statement needs a bit of backstory.

Mitch: "I'm coming to visit, and I'm going to need some weed as soon as I get off the plane."

Jose: "I don't smoke weed. Maybe one of the guys at the delta can get you some."

Mitch: "We're not fishing the delta until the day after I arrive, and I cannae wait that long, mate."

Jose: "I'll see what I can do."

So I go and see the Old Man up at his place in Mendocino.

Jose: "I need some weed for a friend of mine who's coming in from Australia."

Old Man: "Get in the truck."

Jose: "Where are we going?"

Old Man: "To see the Horse Lady."

We drive down to the Horse Lady's trailer.

Old Man gets out and knocks on her trailer door, then yells, "We need some weed!"

Horse Lady comes out and says, "How much?"

Old Man looks at me.

I shrug.

The Old Man does the same.

Horse Lady disappears into her trailer and then comes back and hands the Old Man a bag of weed.

Old Man: "How much?"

Horse Lady: "Nothing. Just take it."

I get home and contact Mitch.

Jose: "I got your weed."

Mitch: "That's smashing, mate."

Jose: "Are you going to need anything else? Papers? Pipe?"

Mitch: "No worries. I'll have everything else. All I need is the weed. Cheers, mate."

The fateful day arrives, and I go to the airport to pickup Mitch. He's dressed in tweed and he's pushing a trolley overloaded with luggage.

Mitch: "Am I glad to see you."

Jose: "Everything all right?"

Mitch: "The fucking airline lost half my luggage."

I look at the pile of bags on the trolley and think, This must be one of his jokes, but he's serious.

I'm glad I brought the truck.

I get him to the house and give him the weed.

He looks at me and says, "I've no skins, mate."

"What?"

"Skins. Papers."

We get back in the truck and I take him to a head shop.

He puts some rolling papers, some filters, and some cigarettes on the counter, and then watches the clerk ring them up.

Then he turns to me and says, "I've no money."

I pay the clerk and then take him back to my place.

The next day we fish the delta.

The day after that we head up to Mendocino.

We stop at a grocery store for provisions.

Jose: "Go find some chocolates for the Horse Lady."

Mitch: "Why would I want to do that?"

Jose: "Because we're going to see her later today, and it would be a nice way of saying, 'Thank you for giving me that free weed.'"

Off he goes.

I load the cart with groceries, and as I'm about to get into the checkout line, here he comes.

Jose: "What the fuck is that?"

Mitch, holding up a plastic bag of Fun-Size Halloween candy: "Chocolates, mate. You said to get some chocolates."

Jose: "Jesus Christ. Did you never date? Was your marriage arranged?"

Mitch: "What the fuck are you on about? Look here..."

Mitch, holding up the plastic bag. "Snickers, Milky Ways, something else... the bag says they're all chocolates."

Jose, grabbing the bag from Mitch's hand: "Give me that."

I wheel my cart over to the candy aisle, put the Halloween candy back on the shelf, and grab a box of Ferrero Rocher hazelnut chocolates.

I pay for the groceries and the chocolates, and then take Mitch to see the Horse Lady.

I knock on the trailer door, and when she opens it up I say, "That weed you gave the Old Man was for a friend of mine who's here from Australia. He'd like to thank you."

I motion to Mitch to come forward and give her the chocolates.

He does.

Easily impressed Horse Lady: "Oh my! How elegant! Thank you so much! If you need any more, just come by and see me!"

Mitch and I get in the truck.

Mitch, lighting a spliff: "I think she fancied me, mate. Put on that Grateful Dead music I brought."

Jose, thinking ... It's going to be a long fucking week...

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rampant
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Re: Spam for a Good Product

Post by rampant » Tue Jan 23, 2018 10:10 pm

I feel like I have been down that road as well, only I had a plumber mate. and no chocolates; same Mitch
Last edited by rampant on Tue Jan 23, 2018 10:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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LTFI
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Re: Spam for a Good Product

Post by LTFI » Tue Jan 23, 2018 10:12 pm

lol, Shit Joe I just spit beer all over the keyboard.

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Transylwader
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Re: Spam for a Good Product

Post by Transylwader » Tue Jan 23, 2018 10:40 pm

Jose, proper rendition. Fucking Mitch. Ten dingo, the Wacca is calling for their village idiot to start a Mexican wave.
If assholes could fly, Raleigh would be a fucking airport - my Mum

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root wad
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Re: Spam for a Good Product

Post by root wad » Tue Jan 23, 2018 11:22 pm

Recognize and celebrate true talent when you find it. Mitch has consistently exhibited the ability to outwear his welcome more quickly than any other man alive.
Last edited by root wad on Tue Jan 23, 2018 11:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Life is a whole lot more simple when you plow around the stump.
"When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns."

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austrotard
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Re: Spam for a Good Product

Post by austrotard » Tue Jan 23, 2018 11:27 pm

you miss one fucking plane...
we'll always have buffalo, sweet josh.

-mtice

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root wad
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Re: Spam for a Good Product

Post by root wad » Tue Jan 23, 2018 11:36 pm

austrotard wrote:
Tue Jan 23, 2018 11:27 pm
you miss one fucking plane...
And I had completely for gotten about that.
Life is a whole lot more simple when you plow around the stump.
"When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns."

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BigTimber
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Re: Spam for a Good Product

Post by BigTimber » Wed Jan 24, 2018 6:49 am

Why do they call her the horse lady?
This place has enough jiggly milkbags, marsupials fisting off, and animated cherubs getting stabbed in the fuck to get anyone shitcanned, if''n their boss can''t take a joke. ~SUAF

Pussy, much like freedom, ain't free.

America has become a dildo that has turned berserkly on its owner. ~McGuane 1971

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ironman
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Re: Spam for a Good Product

Post by ironman » Wed Jan 24, 2018 9:46 am

BigTimber wrote:
Wed Jan 24, 2018 6:49 am
Why do they call her the horse lady?
Do you really want to know the answer to that?
"if you don't understand the perfect logic of this, then you may as well fuck right off Teh Suk" - Fatman

"I took a Japanese whaling approach to panfishing as a kid." - Boomin

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RockyMtHigh
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Re: Spam for a Good Product

Post by RockyMtHigh » Wed Jan 24, 2018 10:09 am

ironman wrote:
Wed Jan 24, 2018 9:46 am
BigTimber wrote:
Wed Jan 24, 2018 6:49 am
Why do they call her the horse lady?
Do you really want to know the answer to that?
Yeah, I'd kinda like to know....
wait...what? fuck - Fatman

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