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By 421sd
#700965
B.M. Barrelcooker wrote: Tue Dec 22, 2020 5:00 pm


This has been an extremely difficult year for me and I’m going to be straight up honest about it here. Trying to run a business with extra worries about employee safety and added costs and less revenue is hard enough. Managing a family of four kids each with their own crisis/challenge during this pandemic has been a struggle.

I’ve struggled myself mentally as things aren’t like they “should be”. I’ve faced some darker parts of me and faced several things that I’ve been avoiding dealing with for decades. Old wounds ......old hurts .......and old habits that started off as coping tools.
Severe anxiety has taken its toll on my mind, my marriage ,and my spirit.
I’ve been having some good long conversations with my creator and I’ve found comfort there.

So far this year I’ve only hunted with my boys and my dad. He is 82 this year and will go hunting any day.
Sometimes it used to feel like a chore.....now I count each day with him as a blessing.

The last two days of just me and him together have been great. Today when we were coming out of the woods the sun was shining snd there was a cold breeze in my face. It was like heaven might be. I looked at my Papa and thought about this blessing ...... I wept . I really wept. Some of it was the joy of the day and some was knowing that the days like this are numbered and fleeting fast.
It was a perfect day and I got to tell him how much I enjoyed it.

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It’s a tough eat, this shit sandwich we’ve had put in front of us this year. The struggles are real, we all have our own version. I won’t get deep into mine, but aside from it I feel fortunate to have fared as well as I have for my family.

I truly envy you for the time with your pops, those hunts. Something I never got to experience, excepting a rabbit hunt with my father when I was maybe seven. Snippets of fishing trips still exist in my banks. But dad was gone from the world before my ninth birthday.

Drink in the moments you have left with him. :cool
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By Transylwader
#700984
Thanks for posting this Brett, we all draw several similarities. My biggest question is, when will it be contained? Fly fishing and travel have always been my elixir and 2020 was a righteous gut punch. Got out as much as I could to avoid dealing with shit sandwiches. Here's to optimism, friendship, family, but most of all, holding the line...literally and figuratively.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year :cool
User avatar
By TX.
#701009
I hear ya Brett.
I'm taking all the precautions I can right now for my family...We're trying to get the fuck out of this shitshow...Just spent a month in Panama hoping (yeah right, trump) that we could come back home safe. I'm scared for my kids, I'm scared for my wife, and mostly scared for me, as the oldest to not be able to be here to provide and protect.
Expect a PM shortly...
User avatar
By B.M. Barrelcooker
#701059
Well we’ve all got Dads .....some good and some bad.

And a lot of us are dads.

I know that for years my relationship with Papa was strained. It doesn’t matter whose fault it was. Time together can heal the wounds.

Just do the best you can.
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By fallen513
#701068
The best you can, indeed.

Talk to you soon bud.
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By fishskibum
#701183
thanks for the thread and fam matters message
been a tough year for my old man
his 3rd divorce took a heavy financial and emotional tool
back in december he had a stint/clip put in his heart
i managed to git out with him and his crew fore iceup
once the docs said he was good to go
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lit em up pretty good
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so the clip failed and hes goin in for open heart surgery this morn to fix it
some of you fuckos have shared piscatorial pursuits with him
i figure a thoughts and prayers request wouldnt hurt
im hopin it all susses out and i gits to share the things that bond us in the future
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User avatar
By fallen513
#701187
How'd everything go Dibs? I'll be thinkin' of your pops.

Mine moved on to another plane in early November from a drug overdose.

Your dad is still your dad though. Ya only get one.
User avatar
By markl
#701189
BM, it is a tough patch for most all of us. Glad you had time with your Dad. But, if you weren't feeling this way, that would be a much bigger concern.

They say the only thing worse than work is no work. Well, then the only thing worse than feeling pain is not feeling it. Keep doing what you have been doing. It is clearly working.

Stay well.
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