A dozen solutions to the “Bahamas Issue”

IN JULY, the Bahamian government and the Bahamas Fly Fishing Industry Association (BFFIA) announced proposed changes to laws governing bonefishing in the Bahamas. Some of the proposals—like requiring visiting anglers to hire a guide—created public outcry, private controversy, and several scintillating blogfights. But our own investigative reporting uncovered a few lesser-known proposals:

1) Bahamasair—national airline of the Bahamas—to change name to “Prescottair” and offer twice-daily nonstop service to Stafford Creek Lodge from Atlanta, New York, Boston, and L.A.

2) In place of sales commissions, Bahamas booking agents shall receive one Rick Fox basketball card, a dozen “Cryptic Prescott” bonefish flies, and two tickets to the next Kimbo Slice fight.

3) BFFIA to team with Putin, annex Cuba, host weekly “Conch Fritter Fridays.”

4) A “small fraction of renegades” to be disallowed from doing business with, speaking of, or ever fishing in the Bahamas, including: Yellow Dog Flyfishing Adventures, Cindy Pinder of Abaco Flyfishing Guides Association, H20 Bahamas, Dan Vermillion, Oliver White, Cheryl Bastian of Swain’s Cay Lodge, Benjamin Pratt of the Ministry of Tourism, American Fly Fishing Trade Association, Eastern Europe, Western Europe, Texas, Utah, angry parts of Canada, rest of world.

5) As revenue builder, Caribbean dating site “Pinder” to be created.

6) DIY angling still allowed, but only in two Designated DIY Zones: Swimming Pig Beach on Great Exuma, and Stingray Lagoon at the Atlantis Resort. DIY anglers must fish standing on one foot, wearing only a banana hammock, while singing “March on, Bahamaland.”

7) In order to be officially recognized and approved by BFFIA, every bonefish lodge must prominently display a large portrait of Peter Frampton circa 1978 and Lucius Fox circa 2015.

SEVERAL AMERICANS and Canadians not in favor of the proposed regulations have suggested five addendums to the legislation:

1) Donald Trump to oversee construction of border fencing around all foreign-owned second-homes in Bahamas. Mexico will pay for it.

2) “Crazy Charlie” bonefish fly to be renamed “Zany Vletas.”

3) As part of new Bahamas flyfishing guide certification, apprentices must pass U.S. CPA exam, and spend minimum of six years specializing in Caribbean offshore tax shelters.

4) Replace image of two bonefish on Bahamas 10-cent coin with headshots of Rod Hamilton and Bjorn Stromsness.

5) BFFIA vs. AFFGA. “Voice of the Bahamas Fly Fishing Industry” to be determined by cage fight. Prescott Smith and Shawn Leadon vs. Cheryl Bastian and Cindy Pinder.

Photography by DR. ROSENROSEN

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