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The second time I met R. L. Winston's Bamboo Guru, Glenn Brackett, he was in the Twin Bridges Post Office. It was my first week in town and I was hot to get a few letters off with the new postmark. I walked in past Glenn and a couple of ranchers who were leaning up against the window in the small lobby, and stood behind a woman who was trying to ship a vacuum. Hoping Glenn would recognize me, I turned around and said, "Hey."

Ka-plop!
Okay, that's it!

The second cartop-to-windshield avalanche at a stop sign is a strong signal: Ditch Jackson winter for somewhere that mosquitoes, sunscreen and T-shirts outnumber gloves, parkas and plug-in car heaters. Evacuation by car is the answer. Unfortunately my ol' gear room isn't primed for fast winter getaways. I figure at least two "rigging days" before departure. Let's see what the fly rod corner portends. Ahhh, here's what I'm looking for, a nice, powerful 9 weight. Graphite? Naturally. Nine-feet? Of course. I'll just wind a fresh intermediate line on a spare spool, throw in a weight forward floater and a 200-grain Teeny fast sinking head and I'm ready for anything.

One is a ridiculed fish.
One is a ridiculed haircut.
We explain the difference.

  1. When booking the trip, inform your guide that you are prone to epileptic seizures, get kidney dialysis twice a week, and are recover­ing from surgery on both your knees. You can't walk very far or stay confined in small spaces for more than a couple of hours, but would like to get on uncrowded waters where the big fish don't get any pressure.
  2. Any time you see another fisherman or pass another boat yell over, "Are you catchin' any? We ain't catchin' shit!"
  3. Ask your guide how big the biggest fish he ever caught was and what fly he caught it on. Then ask him why you aren't using that fly.
  1. Fly shop guy is staunchly heterosexual, twenty­something, and uncertain of his politics.
  2. Fly shop guy spent six or seven years at a southern university and is named Justin, Jeremy, Jonathan, Gifford, Trevor, Tripp or Tristan.

  3. Fly shop guy will say things across the river when fishing is poor like, "Holy shit, dude, even the choice runs are total bunkweed schwagg water!" No one knows what the hell he is saying.