- Thu Mar 10, 2016 9:56 pm
First of all, thank you. I didn't deserve to be included, but in true Drakian fashion, I was the recipient of your collective generosity. You guys suck in the best way possible--well, perhaps the SECOND best way possible!
So, since it was asked of us, here are my thoughts:
Stickers: Um, yeah. If you were a junior high boy at my school and these decals were in your locker, we'd be having a parent meeting to try and determine your need for therapy, discipline, or both.
Now, to the meat!
Lando: I suspect I'm eating elk here, but can't be certain. Lando's contribution is staid, understated, and safe. In other words, it's the anti-Hagen jerked protein product. I suspect that if Lando fed this to Hagen, the latter's skin would split along the spine and after some fearsome groaning, writhing, and contorting, Mother Theresa would emerge and gently chastise all of the participants of the Luau for their sinful ways. Personally, I liked it and would pair it with a lovely glass of freshly squeezed limonaid.
Woven Stonefly: The garlic and pepper venison jerky bears the hallmarks of a man who has jerked more than once in this lifetime. The meet is perfectly cured (pink salt?) and the infusion of the garlic flavor was sublime. This, coming from a reviewer who grew nearly 350 bulbs of German Red garlic last summer. I know and love my garlic, and I respect a man who does the same. Very, very nice.
PXATIM: I found this entry harder to define--perhaps due to the residual garlic on my palate from WS's entry? Be that as it may, I picked up soy notes and a hint of coffee on the finish. Perhaps due to the soy, this jerky was saltier than the others I sampled, but not unpleasantly so. I'd happily pack a zip-lock of this jerky in my fanny pack to replenish my electrolytes after a hard day of hunting for next year's Jerk Off flesh donor.
Hogleg: I was nervous about trying this at first, due largely to the ample amount of pepper flakes and seeds. Would I die a thousand habanero deaths after just the first bite? I was pleasantly surprised by the sweet and vastly more complex flavor profile than I originally anticipated. The only entry that was made with ground meat (or was it pre-chewed?) I found myself wondering if I was eating pemmican rather than jerky. If this could be made using cut (as opposed to ground) meat I think it would be better, but that being said, it's already all been eaten, so nobody's complaining here in Paradise.
Snuffbox: This jerky had the best balance of chewiness without being too dry. Again, I detected soy in the finished product (something I like) and I thought the cross-grain cut of the meat was a good idea. I'd pay cash dollars for this jerky any day of the week and twice on Sundays.
Fatman: Of all of the samples tested, this one had a flavor profile dominated by the meat as opposed to the seasonings added. Unlike BMBC's samples, mine were not moldy (coincidence?--I think not.) although there was visible fat in the finished product. Given the namesake of it's creator, I was mildly amused and the gentle irony.
Average Joe: I'll just say this: May I have your baby? Holy guitar picks of orgasmic electric ladyland--this stuff is good! It was so good that I thought "Why cut this up into tiny bits when I want to eat it in bedsheet-sized pieces?" But then I determined that The Master knew what he was doing when he made it in bite-sized chunks. I'd probably rip out my canines in my gluttonous hurry to shove more of it into my face. Seriously---send me the recipe.
Thank you all for your kindness and for generously including me.