"Official" Drakian Jerk Off V.1

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Average Joe
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Re: "Official" Drakian Jerk Off V.1

Post by Average Joe » Thu Feb 11, 2016 10:08 pm

He does, but that's not much different than picking up some meat at a store.

I was under the impression that in order to enter this swap you had to personally kill whatever you jerked.

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Hogleg
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Re: "Official" Drakian Jerk Off V.1

Post by Hogleg » Thu Feb 11, 2016 10:56 pm

We'll make a special exception for you because you are so average but also "get it" and possess unique culinary skills combined with an ambition and a "I don't give a fuck" attitude that transcends all human understanding.

You're in man. Bring it.

I'm updating page one with you standing in for BM who has a two or three freezers full of deer but has "never done jerky".

So it shall be.
"girls with eating disorders will usually let you come in there in butt." -Jhnnythndr
"...my grandmother’s Tang always tasted like rusty water and dirty socks." - Average Joe
"with some limited exceptions steelhead live where the lady selection is sparce." - MTG

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pxatim
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Re: "Official" Drakian Jerk Off V.1

Post by pxatim » Fri Feb 12, 2016 7:20 am

My meat is hitting the smoker tonight and will be in the mail Monday.

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Hogleg
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Re: "Official" Drakian Jerk Off V.1

Post by Hogleg » Fri Feb 12, 2016 7:50 pm

pxatim wrote:My meat is hitting the smoker tonight and will be in the mail Monday.
That is a big fat lie.

Monday is one of the 32 Holidays observed by the postal fucktards.
"girls with eating disorders will usually let you come in there in butt." -Jhnnythndr
"...my grandmother’s Tang always tasted like rusty water and dirty socks." - Average Joe
"with some limited exceptions steelhead live where the lady selection is sparce." - MTG

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Average Joe
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Re: "Official" Drakian Jerk Off V.1

Post by Average Joe » Fri Feb 12, 2016 9:56 pm

When I got to work this morning, I read this thread and thought, "I can't believe BM bailed on this swap."

Followed by, "Holy shit. How in the hell did I get roped into this?"

Anyway.

Earlier this evening I found this in my freezer. I know that there's only one place it could have come from, so I called the Old Man and said, "Hey Dad. That meat you gave me. What the fuck is it?"

"What do you mean, 'What the fuck is it?' It's fucking meat."

Fair enough.

This is what you're getting.
NOT FOR SALE.JPG
NOT FOR SALE.JPG (985.8 KiB) Viewed 1922 times
But there's no way in hell you're going to have it by February 16.

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Hogleg
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Re: "Official" Drakian Jerk Off V.1

Post by Hogleg » Fri Feb 12, 2016 10:02 pm

Average Joe wrote:When I got to work this morning, I read this thread and thought, "I can't believe BM bailed on this swap."

Followed by, "Holy shit. How in the hell did I get roped into this?"

Anyway.

Earlier this evening I found this in my freezer. I know that there's only one place it could have come from, so I called the Old Man and said, "Hey Dad. That meat you gave me. What the fuck is it?"

"What do you mean, 'What the fuck is it?' It's fucking meat."

Fair enough.

This is what you're getting.
NOT FOR SALE.JPG
But there's no way in hell you're going to have it by February 16.
Looks delicious.

We'll give you until the 18th since you're a short notice stand in. Use the waffle maker.
"girls with eating disorders will usually let you come in there in butt." -Jhnnythndr
"...my grandmother’s Tang always tasted like rusty water and dirty socks." - Average Joe
"with some limited exceptions steelhead live where the lady selection is sparce." - MTG

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Average Joe
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Re: "Official" Drakian Jerk Off V.1

Post by Average Joe » Fri Feb 12, 2016 10:14 pm

You're too kind.

No waffle maker.

Trust me.

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SnuffBox
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Re: "Official" Drakian Jerk Off V.1

Post by SnuffBox » Sat Feb 13, 2016 11:05 am

Jerkings have been jerked and will be posted when said agencies report for duty.
Also, I used my "Ol' Reliable" recipe, which has no nitrates, but plenty of other sodium species to be mostly less risky than properly cured meats.
Are we to include the recipe?
Image

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Hogleg
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Re: "Official" Drakian Jerk Off V.1

Post by Hogleg » Sat Feb 13, 2016 1:23 pm

Outstanding.

Recipe not required. So far no one else has included the recipe with what I've received.

Also, I've been a good boy and not sampled anyone's except mine. If I get good and jrunk that could change quickly though.
"girls with eating disorders will usually let you come in there in butt." -Jhnnythndr
"...my grandmother’s Tang always tasted like rusty water and dirty socks." - Average Joe
"with some limited exceptions steelhead live where the lady selection is sparce." - MTG

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fatman
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Re: "Official" Drakian Jerk Off V.1

Post by fatman » Sat Feb 13, 2016 4:54 pm

Average Joe wrote:"What do you mean, 'What the fuck is it?' It's fucking meat."
NOT FOR SALE.JPG

Gold :smile
My drinkin' days are over; I'm still trouble bound - Slaid Cleaves

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Average Joe
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Re: "Official" Drakian Jerk Off V.1

Post by Average Joe » Sat Feb 13, 2016 5:36 pm

I removed the veil from the mystery meat today, and this is what I found.

I'm pretty sure it's pig, and given the fat content I'm guessing it would probably go rancid within an hour of leaving the dehydrator.
no bueno.jpg
no bueno.jpg (1016.8 KiB) Viewed 1818 times
A road trip to Mendocino is now on tomorrow's agenda.

This is all BM's fault.

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Hogleg
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Re: "Official" Drakian Jerk Off V.1

Post by Hogleg » Sat Feb 13, 2016 7:16 pm

I'd ask him for gas money if I were you. At the very least. He's culpable.
"girls with eating disorders will usually let you come in there in butt." -Jhnnythndr
"...my grandmother’s Tang always tasted like rusty water and dirty socks." - Average Joe
"with some limited exceptions steelhead live where the lady selection is sparce." - MTG

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