All threads that bitch about new, existing, or old members will be posted/relocated here. Keep this shit off the General forum, because no one wants (or cares) to hear your opinions. Now go back to the other forums and post something worthy of reading.
User avatar
By Average Joe
#489318
Thanks for all of the advice. (Great link striptrike. I really enjoyed that.)

In a little over two and a half hours from now I start chugging the nasty.

My wife bought me this so I'd have something to keep me occupied when I wasn't sitting on the shitter.
Diversion.JPG
Diversion.JPG (220.53 KiB) Viewed 1161 times
The television and my easy chair are within twenty feet of the nearest bathroom. I'll know soon if that's close enough.
By SOBF
#489323
Twenty feet is fine as long as you don't try to squeek out a fart on the way !!!!!
I will say that the drugs they will give you are purely specfuckingtacular.
Versed is amazing. One second your lying there and then a second later they inject that into the IV it's instant "I don't give a fuck what you are going to do"
User avatar
By Average Joe
#489347
SOBF wrote:Once you drink that stuff YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FART !!!!! DON'T FUCKING DOUBT ME !!
I will never doubt you again. Never. Fuck. Time for a shower.
User avatar
By Average Joe
#489369
What a fucking shit show.

I started chugging the Liquid Plumber at noon. Mixed with the optional Orange flavor pack, it isn't that bad if you pour it over ice and top it with a floater of Grand Marnier.

The instruction sheet said I could expect results within two to three hours. Bullshit. My bowels collapsed faster than the Polish army in '39.

Forgetting SOBF's sage advice, and thinking I had plenty of time before the juice kicked in, I got distracted and let my sphincter deceive me. Another wave hit while I was in the shower, and I ended up using my heel to mash the bigger bits through the drain.

Confession: in hindsight, eating a large pepperoni pizza and a bucket of hot wings for dinner last night was a very poor decision on my part.

When I got out of the shower I noticed that my pants were gone. Naked and wet, I followed the stink trail all the way to the kitchen, where I found the dog, covered in my shit and rolling back and forth on my pants.

Cleaning the house will give me time to determine the best way to kill the dog.

Confession: ass cancer is beginning to look like an attractive alternative to this experience thus far.
User avatar
By Average Joe
#489384
During the past half hour, the shit has been coming out of me like piss. It even sounds like I'm pissing.

The last few times it's happened I've thought, "This must be what it feels like to piss like a woman."

It's probably the closest I'll ever get to being in touch with my feminine side. Until tomorrow, when they shove five feet of ass-camera up my rectum.
User avatar
By Average Joe
#489386
I keep telling myself not to flush every time I flush. Next month's water bill is going to cost me a fortune.

My piss/shit has now gone from looking like beef bouillon to resembling chicken broth. Getting closer.
User avatar
By D-nymph
#489394
Average Joe wrote:
When I got out of the shower I noticed that my pants were gone. Naked and wet, I followed the stink trail all the way to the kitchen, where I found the dog, covered in my shit and rolling back and forth on my pants.
haha!

You made that part up!

It's too funny to be real!

:sucks
User avatar
By fishpimp
#489397
Nurse- any questions, Phil?
Me- nope, cuz I ain't gonna remember a fuckin' thing about this.
Nurse- giggles.
10 minutes later, lying in wait...
Nurse- ok, I need you to roll over onto your left side and...
Me- you fergettin' somethin'?
Nurse- uh...no...what?
Me- I told you I ain't remeberin' a fuckin' thing about this...
Doc walks in...
Nurse- yeah, you said that, but I need to get you in po...
Me- baby doll, I'm an ICU nurse, I know the routine. I'll start to move when the Prop is near in...we'll say a half inch from my vein, 'ight?
Doc- giggles...
Nurse- oh fer hell...
Nurse starts to push milk of amnesia...
Me- there ya go (slow rolling), almost there (almost on my side), right....ther.........
Wake up. Done...now just fart and you can go.
User avatar
By Average Joe
#489399
No kids. Just a brain damaged dog that still smells like shit.

My bunghole feels like ground sirloin and habanero sauce, but I suppose that is to be expected.

I've finally stopped shit/pissing, though at 8:00 pm I'm scheduled to drink another liter of Liquid Plumber so the games can resume.

There has got to be an easier fucking way to do this.

Right now I'm watching the Battle of Brittan. My instruction sheet says I can have all the clear liquids I want, so I think I'm going to make myself a gin and tonic.

I still haven't decided how to kill the dog.

Believe me when I say that nobody wants to see any picture of this mess. Nobody.

Instead I'll give you this.
payment.jpg
payment.jpg (173.45 KiB) Viewed 1068 times
User avatar
By Average Joe
#489405
D-nymph wrote:
Average Joe wrote:
When I got out of the shower I noticed that my pants were gone. Naked and wet, I followed the stink trail all the way to the kitchen, where I found the dog, covered in my shit and rolling back and forth on my pants.
haha!

You made that part up!

It's too funny to be real!

:sucks
You obviously have a dog. You know how disgusting they can be.

Look at this face.
Maggio.JPG
Maggio.JPG (247.46 KiB) Viewed 1058 times
What makes you think he wouldn't drag my shit-filled pants into the kitchen and roll on them?

:bomb
User avatar
By Jon
#489406
Average Joe wrote:I still haven't decided how to kill the dog.
Make him drink the last liter of BowelPlumber.
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